Holding My Breath

I keep meaning to blog, but I never get around to it. I don't even remember what I was going to blog about. [shrug] Maybe it'll come to me tomorrow.

Maybe I'm just at a loss as to why I have so little to say these days.
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Now playing on iTunes: Reel Big Fish - Ban The Tube Top
via FoxyTunes

Brief Update

Signed up for the MSF rider course. I'll have my motorcycle license October 6th unless I really fuck something up. With the current climactic trends, that'll give me from October to the end of 2008 to ride, with January-April seeing the bike in the garage hiding from the snow.
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Now playing on iTunes: Reel Big Fish - Beer
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The Good and the Bad

Got the permit. Woo! Only missed one of thirty questions. The downside is that I failed to take into account Kentucky's graduated licensing program. People over 21 can get a license after only 30 days with the permit. I, on the other hand, have to wait 180. Alternately I can take the MSF courses and get a license after their skills test long before I'm eligible for the test issued by the police, but those are booked until August at least. I'll have my bike, but it won't be this summer.
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Now playing on iTunes: Matchbox Twenty - Back 2 Good
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Shaping Up

Got a busy week. Today I replaced a faulty part on the VW, Rain-Xed the windshield, dropped some stuff off at the library, and scouted out the new Nathan's Famous/Bruster's they're opening on Kenton Lands behind the Taco Bell. Should be open this week. I needs me a hot dog.

Tomorrow I go to the DMV to take the written theory test for my motorcycle learner's permit. Turns out my dad rode twenty-odd years ago, so I'll definitely be on two wheels by August.

Wednesday (if I have the permit) I'm gonna stop by the Honda/Kawasaki/Suzuki dealer on Dixie Highway in Erlanger to ask some questions. My old man says I'll need probably a 250cc bike, but I figure a dealer will have more answers to more questions. Sometime this week I also need to call up Cincinnati State and see about getting back in school.

Friday is a holiday, so I'll hopefully be hanging out with you guys. I've been down for a long few weeks or months or something. By the end of this week I'll finally be living again.
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Now playing on iTunes: Panic At The Disco - That Green Gentlemen (Things Have Changed)
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What the fuck!?

It was raining, so I decided to go for a 2 AM walk. It was pretty uneventful until the end, when Kaitlin and I were pulled over by the police for walking. They wrote down our names, addresses, and birth dates, suspiciously eyed Kaitlin's bubble wrap, and told us to go home, like it's illegal for an adult to walk around a quiet suburb at night. Seriously, fuck the police.
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Now playing on iTunes: Turin Brakes - Stalker
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Superficial

Admittedly it was a good weekend, but I'm slipping back into introversion. Every day I'm surrounded by people with whom I feel no connection, despite the links we had in the past. Every weekend goes by tainted by the knowledge that I have another week of work. Another week with no connections and no extremes, not that the weekends have any. The same bland emotion stays from Monday to Friday and often back to Monday. I even feel my old charisma slipping from lack of use and lack of care. Oh, well. That's not the Cameron you know. If anyone needs me I'll be faking happy and living an isolated life in my dream world of work and weekends and absolutely no future.

I'd say I needed a drink, but I don't. I need a lifestyle overhaul. I want something more substantial and less isolated. Gods damn my hatred of change. Gods damn my embrace of procrastination and watching the world move on while my dreams die in its wake.
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Now playing on iTunes: Ted Leo & The Pharmacists - La Costa Brava
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Long Weekend

The warehouse had so few orders come in this week that I was told to simply not come in today. That's okay, because I have a busy weekend ahead of me.
Today I'm gonna change my spark plugs and hang out at Sean's. You should all stop by Sean's tonight if you can.
Tomorrow I hang out with Dora and then go to Joey's.
Sunday is whatever event Meagan has in mind. Should be awesome!
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Now playing on iTunes: Reel Big Fish - Everything Sucks
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Misunderestimated

Seems we had a misunderstanding. I said I'd like to go back to 2006, when things were simple. A few of you took that to mean I wanted to go back before I met you. What I meant was I wanted that mindset back. I wanted to remember the hope and the simple happiness before my life was complicated by college and alcoholism and the horrors of that last leap into adulthood. Meagan, Nikki, Kaitlin - I got to know you three best in 2007, admittedly, but you have nothing to worry about. You're still three of my favorite people and I love the lot of you. If I could go back to how I felt in 2006 and keep you, I'll have found perfection.
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Now playing on iTunes: The Format - She Doesn't Get It
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I'll be there if you'll be there.

I was gonna write a eulogy for the last two years today. Instead I read Nikki's blog. I felt something I haven't felt in months: hope. Hope that we might retreat beyond the stress and recent trauma and petty fucking differences. Hope that we could get together and know that nothing was awkward. As I'm typing this, Courtney is IMing me out of the blue for the first time in months saying that we need to have a shindig.

Read this and something will be done. We can make it Sunday, so Jimmy can be there and Fort Mitchell Park, because I don't think we'll get thrown out at sunset.

Fucking Disaster

Most of you were there. Most of you know what happened. That was the last shindig.

We have become reclusive. We are not the friends we thought we were, and we do not get along like we should. The bickering and drama and tension and over-hyping and everything else that killed that party was not a one-time thing. It is endemic. It will not go away, and unless I'm sure I can build an event like the shindigs of old (which were essentially reunions of my old high school friends) I will not be planning any more. There will be strict experiments with themed shindigs, though, because I'm determined to make Shindig goes to Prom a reality.

I hope tonight goes well. Otherwise I'm not gonna bother to talk to the lot of you for a long while. I need my weekends to relax and chill out after work, and if I have to deal with drama I'm just gonna cut off the dramatic people.