Sunday, September 30, 2007
Stevo Returns!
Stephen Reynolds, the most awesome dude ever, is coming up for the weekend. We need to celebrate endlessly. It calls for an epic party. I need ideas!
Micro-Blog 22
Short blog.
Funny conversation with Brandon:
(14:34:00) Brandon Stephens: (C:
(14:34:04) Brandon Stephens: he gots a nose!
(14:41:13) Cameron Hodge: Wha?
(14:41:19) Cameron Hodge: Oh, the smiley.
(14:41:20) Cameron Hodge: Haha
(14:41:21) Brandon Stephens: (C:
(14:41:24) Brandon Stephens: nose
(14:41:35) Brandon Stephens: )C:
(14:41:42) Brandon Stephens: {C:
(14:41:49) Brandon Stephens: [C:
(14:41:58) Brandon Stephens: (C;
(14:42:04) Brandon Stephens: i'm so pleased by this discovery...
(14:42:59) Cameron Hodge: Kinda like the :-{
(14:43:05) Cameron Hodge: Handlebar moustache!
(14:43:16) Cameron Hodge: So we now have nose and handlebar moustache.
(14:43:29) Cameron Hodge: }c:
(14:43:39) Brandon Stephens: (}C:
(14:43:46) Cameron Hodge: I call it the "Wyatt Earp."
(14:44:08) Brandon Stephens: yes!
Emily drunk dialed me and in the message told me to mention it on the blog.
Consider it mentioned.
"Everything Is Illuminated" today. Papa Murphy's pizza. w00t
Dammit, Tommy.
That is all.
Funny conversation with Brandon:
(14:34:00) Brandon Stephens: (C:
(14:34:04) Brandon Stephens: he gots a nose!
(14:41:13) Cameron Hodge: Wha?
(14:41:19) Cameron Hodge: Oh, the smiley.
(14:41:20) Cameron Hodge: Haha
(14:41:21) Brandon Stephens: (C:
(14:41:24) Brandon Stephens: nose
(14:41:35) Brandon Stephens: )C:
(14:41:42) Brandon Stephens: {C:
(14:41:49) Brandon Stephens: [C:
(14:41:58) Brandon Stephens: (C;
(14:42:04) Brandon Stephens: i'm so pleased by this discovery...
(14:42:59) Cameron Hodge: Kinda like the :-{
(14:43:05) Cameron Hodge: Handlebar moustache!
(14:43:16) Cameron Hodge: So we now have nose and handlebar moustache.
(14:43:29) Cameron Hodge: }c:
(14:43:39) Brandon Stephens: (}C:
(14:43:46) Cameron Hodge: I call it the "Wyatt Earp."
(14:44:08) Brandon Stephens: yes!
Emily drunk dialed me and in the message told me to mention it on the blog.
Consider it mentioned.
"Everything Is Illuminated" today. Papa Murphy's pizza. w00t
Dammit, Tommy.
That is all.
Short Story 1
I got three comments and an IM from Brandon. Nikki, you've been outnumbered. This is the shorter of the two that I have lying around. It also provides some back story for the next one. Both of these stories should be kept from GW staff. I've stolen a good quantity of intellectual property to make them. Comment comment comment...
“The Last Hope”
VEET...VEET...VEET...VEET...VEET...
Groggily he awoke. A few blind swings later and the keen wail of his alarm was replaced with the soft feminine tone of his personal AI, Cassandra.
“Good morning, Colonel. It is currently... six-oh-two, July seventh, thirty-seven twenty Earth time. Would you like me to call in your adjutant?”
Colonel Sven Sjoliq swung off his meager cot and gathered his uniform.
“Yeah, sure. Send him in. Just give me five.”
“Affirmative.”
Corporal Gveld Slorno had been Sjoliq’s assistant for fourteen years now and was privy to the Colonel’s most secret plans. He knew that today would be a big day for everyone. He waited for the retinal scan and walked through the door to his C.O. He had been chosen because of his ties to Sjoliq – both were from the bustling coastal city of Båtsfjord and knew each other before they enlisted in the United Earth Space Fleet. And both had been preparing for today since birth, enrolled in a program that would solve all of the Alliance’s problems…
Corporal Slorno walked through the door as his superior was strapping on his sidearm.
“Are you ready for today’s ‘event,’ corporal?”
“Since birth, sir.”
“Excellent.”
As the two men strode toward hangar B Colonel Sjoliq reflected: The early 2700’s were an important time for the United States. The upstart capitalists and their Middle Eastern allies had built the first viable trans-light drive – the Johanson-Kuumar solid-state warp drive – in the 61st state, Cuba. In the following centuries the Americans and their fellow democracies formed a union. Suddenly countries like the European Union and Australia, who previously had only been as far as Mars, were colonizing new planets. Even the new Restored Union of Soviet Democratic Sub-States had control of Titan and its hydrocarbon oceans. Scandinavia had nothing but the fjords that Russia had polluted.
After nine hundred years of strife, the Norway-Sweden-Finland Alliance formed a program that would culminate in today. Sjoliq and Slorno were the sole survivors of a hundred-embryo genetic modification experiment. They were genetically and mechanically enhanced and would save the Alliance from extinction by opening the way for more “diplomatic solutions.” The United Earth governments had ignored Scandinavia for a millennium. They could not ignore a billion corpses and a dead planet.
“Colonel Svenwic Sjoliq, serial number four-five-nine-three-two-oh-seven-one-eight…”
“And Corporal Gveld Slorno, serial number three-four-three-eight-oh-two-one-one-nine.”
“Processing… Present retina for scanning.”
Both men walked up to the computer port and waited for the security AI to scan and accept their retinal “fingerprints.” They walked through the heavily armed portal and to the SCE-1 shuttles that would take them to the UESF flagship/foundry Bal Cora. This ship was the lifeblood of the United Earth expansionary fleet and had constructed every trans-light starship, including most of itself. The core of this ship was a reactor complex the size of a large asteroid. An overload in its current orbit would destroy every orbital facility and many ground based structures, as well as the moons. Mars could not survive and millions would die without the Bal Cora, but the UESF had to realize their mistake.
Hangar B was a cavernous gash in the side of the SBS Bjorn. Ringed with point-defense cannons, this was the starboard fighter, bomber, and shuttle maintenance and storage facility on the battlecruiser. Their shuttle, the Spine, sat approximately fifty metres from the door where they had entered. In addition to acting as a wall, the transdimensional void shield covering the colossal entrance to the hangar acted as a fluid bubble that let similarly shielded objects in and out. If the containment units failed, that simple barrier could flay the ship like a tornado full of razors. More than one ship had been torn to shreds and vaporized as some catastrophic impact destabilized first the void shield then the fusion reactor.
Sjoliq and Slorno climbed aboard the Spine and activated the reactor. Once through the void shield they headed for the artificial warp gate that would take them from orbit over Luna Base to the tiny moon Deimos, just over Mars. In an instant the Spine elongated, and blinked from sight. The windows automatically faded to black. The human psyche will collapse explosively if it is exposed to even a glimpse of this alternate dimension, as the UESF scientists realized after no less than twelve pilots’ heads burst in the first week of testing.
After twelve seconds the warp gate over Deimos flashed a sickly purple-green and the ten-metre Spine emerged as a silver smear on reality before consolidating into its original form. As soon as the Johanson-Kuumar drive shut down Colonel Sjoliq and Corporal Slorno were headed to the Bal Cora.
It was nearly a million miles away, just visible over the blue-brown atmosphere of Mars, but the foundry ship was an artificial moon and its gravitational influence had shifted whole seas for the last four hundred years. The only component that had not been replaced or renovated since its initial construction was the central reactor core. That one power plant requires so much hydrogen that in the hundred years between its creation and the invention of a viable warp gate the Bal Cora orbited Jupiter so the reactor didn’t starve to death. Now a planet-sized warp gate sits in the Crab nebula and condenses and transports hydrogen to keep the ship alive.
After an hour-and-a-half of uneventful travel, the Spine entered Shuttle Bay 16C on the northwest hemisphere of the Bal Cora. The meaningless bureaucratic paperwork and myriad security systems were the most time-consuming part of the docking procedure, but once the foundry ship was certain that Colonel Sjoliq and Corporal Slorno were harmless, the plan went smoothly.
Sjoliq smiled at the irony as he set his ship down. He had just easily bypassed a system designed specifically to prevent a scheme like his from unfolding. The Colonel and his assistant left the shuttle in the care of the hangar’s automated maintenance robots and stepped into one of the high-speed maglev lifts to the inner barracks levels. Colonel Sjoliq glanced at his chronometer: 9:30 AM Earth time. Precisely on schedule.
The ten minute trip would take them one thousand kilometres into the ship: three-quarters of the way to the core. On the way to Habitation Deck 147, Corporal Slorno tapped into the station security systems network and planted Hugo, a covert AI, into the central computer. Hugo had been designed ten years ago be Alliance hackers specifically to circumvent the Bal Cora’s security AIs and cover the tracks of any invaders that the UESF didn’t need to know about. Hugo would also transmit real-time maps, security feeds, and other useful data into a PDA in one of Slorno’s cargo pockets.
They climbed out of the lift and consulted Hugo to find the best rout into the reactor sublevels. The first objective was the monstrous generator that controlled the void shields. Corporal Slorno glanced at his PDA and silently jogged down the hall. Colonel Sjoliq followed his adjutant nearly a kilometre down the tunnel to an iron-barred vent in the wall. Slorno nodded at Sjoliq and pressed a few buttons on the PDA. As soon as Sjoliq had a solid grip on the iron grate, it detached from the wall with a soft click.
The pilots climbed through the hole and into the vent, gingerly replacing the grate when they were in. Hugo guided them through the duct and into a wide maglev shaft. This was a supply train line. It ferried food, ammo and other provisions from the deep internal warehouses to the surface decks. This lift would take them the remaining three hundred miles to the center of the Bal Cora. But first they had to stop only one hundred miles deeper to get to the void shields. Hugo stopped an empty train bound for the core and they clambered in.
When he awoke, the biosensor displays on Sjoliq’s jacket pointed out that the supersonic speed and high acceleration caused him to black out and that the necessary stimulants had been pumped into his bloodstream. Slorno was slower to recover.
“Sleeping on the job, Corporal?”
“N-no, sir. The blackout has lost us time.”
“How much?”
“It’s 1:00 PM Earth time. We’ve been out for three hours, sir.”
“Damn! Where are we, Corporal?”
“Warehouse 4-AH, adjacent to the primary void shield generator.”
“Excellent. Arm the first device.”
“Yes, sir.”
Corporal Slorno pulled a football-sized piece of metal out of his backpack. He connected a wire from the PDA to the device. This small, unmarked item was a one-kiloton nuclear fusion device that could be exploded from any distance by remote. After taking a moment to arm the device, Sjoliq and Slorno moved out into a small corridor and down to the generator.
The void shield generator was housed in a cavernous hold. A luminescent plume of electric blue energy rose from the top of the machine and vanished into the ceiling, eliminating the need for artificial lighting. Corporal Slorno wedged the device under a plasma conduit and they both ran back to the train. When they reached the supply train, Corporal Slorno instructed Hugo to reduce train speed and they swept down the shaft.
At the base of the shaft, Colonel Sjoliq and Corporal Slorno hopped out of the supply train and crept the remaining three kilometers to the core. At 3:00 PM Earth time, the two men that could save the Alliance walked on a catwalk under the kilometer-thick containment shield to an access hatch. This hatch led straight to the inner sanctum of the Bal Cora.
Inside the iron and granite shield was a hollow cavern containing the heart of the Bal Cora. The reactor itself was held aloft by vast pylons that carried plasma, the lifeblood of the starship, to the engines and other vital systems. A small warp gate inside the containment shield siphoned refined hydrogen directly from a nebula into the almighty power plant. The men crawled along a pylon and crouched next to the warp gate. With the second device planted, Corporal Slorno crouched down to end this abomination.
A loud crack followed by a warm mist stopped Slorno in his tracks. He turned around just in time to see the remains of Sjoliq’s head fall wetly to the ground. He spotted the sniper a half second before he fired. With a crack and a juicy splash Corporal Gveld Slorno, the Scandinavians’ last hope, fell messily in two.
“The Last Hope”
VEET...VEET...VEET...VEET...VEET...
Groggily he awoke. A few blind swings later and the keen wail of his alarm was replaced with the soft feminine tone of his personal AI, Cassandra.
“Good morning, Colonel. It is currently... six-oh-two, July seventh, thirty-seven twenty Earth time. Would you like me to call in your adjutant?”
Colonel Sven Sjoliq swung off his meager cot and gathered his uniform.
“Yeah, sure. Send him in. Just give me five.”
“Affirmative.”
Corporal Gveld Slorno had been Sjoliq’s assistant for fourteen years now and was privy to the Colonel’s most secret plans. He knew that today would be a big day for everyone. He waited for the retinal scan and walked through the door to his C.O. He had been chosen because of his ties to Sjoliq – both were from the bustling coastal city of Båtsfjord and knew each other before they enlisted in the United Earth Space Fleet. And both had been preparing for today since birth, enrolled in a program that would solve all of the Alliance’s problems…
Corporal Slorno walked through the door as his superior was strapping on his sidearm.
“Are you ready for today’s ‘event,’ corporal?”
“Since birth, sir.”
“Excellent.”
As the two men strode toward hangar B Colonel Sjoliq reflected: The early 2700’s were an important time for the United States. The upstart capitalists and their Middle Eastern allies had built the first viable trans-light drive – the Johanson-Kuumar solid-state warp drive – in the 61st state, Cuba. In the following centuries the Americans and their fellow democracies formed a union. Suddenly countries like the European Union and Australia, who previously had only been as far as Mars, were colonizing new planets. Even the new Restored Union of Soviet Democratic Sub-States had control of Titan and its hydrocarbon oceans. Scandinavia had nothing but the fjords that Russia had polluted.
After nine hundred years of strife, the Norway-Sweden-Finland Alliance formed a program that would culminate in today. Sjoliq and Slorno were the sole survivors of a hundred-embryo genetic modification experiment. They were genetically and mechanically enhanced and would save the Alliance from extinction by opening the way for more “diplomatic solutions.” The United Earth governments had ignored Scandinavia for a millennium. They could not ignore a billion corpses and a dead planet.
“Colonel Svenwic Sjoliq, serial number four-five-nine-three-two-oh-seven-one-eight…”
“And Corporal Gveld Slorno, serial number three-four-three-eight-oh-two-one-one-nine.”
“Processing… Present retina for scanning.”
Both men walked up to the computer port and waited for the security AI to scan and accept their retinal “fingerprints.” They walked through the heavily armed portal and to the SCE-1 shuttles that would take them to the UESF flagship/foundry Bal Cora. This ship was the lifeblood of the United Earth expansionary fleet and had constructed every trans-light starship, including most of itself. The core of this ship was a reactor complex the size of a large asteroid. An overload in its current orbit would destroy every orbital facility and many ground based structures, as well as the moons. Mars could not survive and millions would die without the Bal Cora, but the UESF had to realize their mistake.
Hangar B was a cavernous gash in the side of the SBS Bjorn. Ringed with point-defense cannons, this was the starboard fighter, bomber, and shuttle maintenance and storage facility on the battlecruiser. Their shuttle, the Spine, sat approximately fifty metres from the door where they had entered. In addition to acting as a wall, the transdimensional void shield covering the colossal entrance to the hangar acted as a fluid bubble that let similarly shielded objects in and out. If the containment units failed, that simple barrier could flay the ship like a tornado full of razors. More than one ship had been torn to shreds and vaporized as some catastrophic impact destabilized first the void shield then the fusion reactor.
Sjoliq and Slorno climbed aboard the Spine and activated the reactor. Once through the void shield they headed for the artificial warp gate that would take them from orbit over Luna Base to the tiny moon Deimos, just over Mars. In an instant the Spine elongated, and blinked from sight. The windows automatically faded to black. The human psyche will collapse explosively if it is exposed to even a glimpse of this alternate dimension, as the UESF scientists realized after no less than twelve pilots’ heads burst in the first week of testing.
After twelve seconds the warp gate over Deimos flashed a sickly purple-green and the ten-metre Spine emerged as a silver smear on reality before consolidating into its original form. As soon as the Johanson-Kuumar drive shut down Colonel Sjoliq and Corporal Slorno were headed to the Bal Cora.
It was nearly a million miles away, just visible over the blue-brown atmosphere of Mars, but the foundry ship was an artificial moon and its gravitational influence had shifted whole seas for the last four hundred years. The only component that had not been replaced or renovated since its initial construction was the central reactor core. That one power plant requires so much hydrogen that in the hundred years between its creation and the invention of a viable warp gate the Bal Cora orbited Jupiter so the reactor didn’t starve to death. Now a planet-sized warp gate sits in the Crab nebula and condenses and transports hydrogen to keep the ship alive.
After an hour-and-a-half of uneventful travel, the Spine entered Shuttle Bay 16C on the northwest hemisphere of the Bal Cora. The meaningless bureaucratic paperwork and myriad security systems were the most time-consuming part of the docking procedure, but once the foundry ship was certain that Colonel Sjoliq and Corporal Slorno were harmless, the plan went smoothly.
Sjoliq smiled at the irony as he set his ship down. He had just easily bypassed a system designed specifically to prevent a scheme like his from unfolding. The Colonel and his assistant left the shuttle in the care of the hangar’s automated maintenance robots and stepped into one of the high-speed maglev lifts to the inner barracks levels. Colonel Sjoliq glanced at his chronometer: 9:30 AM Earth time. Precisely on schedule.
The ten minute trip would take them one thousand kilometres into the ship: three-quarters of the way to the core. On the way to Habitation Deck 147, Corporal Slorno tapped into the station security systems network and planted Hugo, a covert AI, into the central computer. Hugo had been designed ten years ago be Alliance hackers specifically to circumvent the Bal Cora’s security AIs and cover the tracks of any invaders that the UESF didn’t need to know about. Hugo would also transmit real-time maps, security feeds, and other useful data into a PDA in one of Slorno’s cargo pockets.
They climbed out of the lift and consulted Hugo to find the best rout into the reactor sublevels. The first objective was the monstrous generator that controlled the void shields. Corporal Slorno glanced at his PDA and silently jogged down the hall. Colonel Sjoliq followed his adjutant nearly a kilometre down the tunnel to an iron-barred vent in the wall. Slorno nodded at Sjoliq and pressed a few buttons on the PDA. As soon as Sjoliq had a solid grip on the iron grate, it detached from the wall with a soft click.
The pilots climbed through the hole and into the vent, gingerly replacing the grate when they were in. Hugo guided them through the duct and into a wide maglev shaft. This was a supply train line. It ferried food, ammo and other provisions from the deep internal warehouses to the surface decks. This lift would take them the remaining three hundred miles to the center of the Bal Cora. But first they had to stop only one hundred miles deeper to get to the void shields. Hugo stopped an empty train bound for the core and they clambered in.
When he awoke, the biosensor displays on Sjoliq’s jacket pointed out that the supersonic speed and high acceleration caused him to black out and that the necessary stimulants had been pumped into his bloodstream. Slorno was slower to recover.
“Sleeping on the job, Corporal?”
“N-no, sir. The blackout has lost us time.”
“How much?”
“It’s 1:00 PM Earth time. We’ve been out for three hours, sir.”
“Damn! Where are we, Corporal?”
“Warehouse 4-AH, adjacent to the primary void shield generator.”
“Excellent. Arm the first device.”
“Yes, sir.”
Corporal Slorno pulled a football-sized piece of metal out of his backpack. He connected a wire from the PDA to the device. This small, unmarked item was a one-kiloton nuclear fusion device that could be exploded from any distance by remote. After taking a moment to arm the device, Sjoliq and Slorno moved out into a small corridor and down to the generator.
The void shield generator was housed in a cavernous hold. A luminescent plume of electric blue energy rose from the top of the machine and vanished into the ceiling, eliminating the need for artificial lighting. Corporal Slorno wedged the device under a plasma conduit and they both ran back to the train. When they reached the supply train, Corporal Slorno instructed Hugo to reduce train speed and they swept down the shaft.
At the base of the shaft, Colonel Sjoliq and Corporal Slorno hopped out of the supply train and crept the remaining three kilometers to the core. At 3:00 PM Earth time, the two men that could save the Alliance walked on a catwalk under the kilometer-thick containment shield to an access hatch. This hatch led straight to the inner sanctum of the Bal Cora.
Inside the iron and granite shield was a hollow cavern containing the heart of the Bal Cora. The reactor itself was held aloft by vast pylons that carried plasma, the lifeblood of the starship, to the engines and other vital systems. A small warp gate inside the containment shield siphoned refined hydrogen directly from a nebula into the almighty power plant. The men crawled along a pylon and crouched next to the warp gate. With the second device planted, Corporal Slorno crouched down to end this abomination.
A loud crack followed by a warm mist stopped Slorno in his tracks. He turned around just in time to see the remains of Sjoliq’s head fall wetly to the ground. He spotted the sniper a half second before he fired. With a crack and a juicy splash Corporal Gveld Slorno, the Scandinavians’ last hope, fell messily in two.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Hey, I gots a question!
I'm thinking of posting some of the shit I've written for whatever reason, but I don't know if you'd read it. Would you be willing to read a blog post that's 2000 or so words long? For reference, the post below about the party is just over 1000 and the average is maybe a hundred words or so. If nobody's willing to sift through all that and comment on it at the end I'm not going to post it. It just makes it that much more irritating to scroll down to earlier posts. Most of the shit is weird short stories, so you're looking at something with an actual plot rather than my usual pointless posts.
COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT
COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT
Define "Train Wreck"
Because that's the only word that really works. I could do the generic blog thing. I could whine and say I'm not gonna repeat that particular mistake, but I try to keep the lying to a minimum here. I was plastered enough to have a good time while the party went to hell around me. I regret nothing. What I'm gonna give you is an explanation. What I saw and felt with as little opinion as possible. As of this writing I'm still way too tired to judge anyway and the fact that I made it home alive, unhurt, and unmolested by police is a feat. I didn't drive drunk, of course. I don't have any left in me at this point, but I'm dead on my feet. This is likely to be updated through the day as I compose my thoughts more and details that had been lost reach the front of my mind.
I had been talking to Sarah, Nikki, and Meagan shortly before I left. Seems Meagan is at odds with Sarah, who was on a quest to find some Red Stripe. I get to the "party" and the participants at that point were the residents, Ryan, and Julie. Except for Ryan and a bit of his wine no booze had been consumed and wouldn't be until a few more people arrived. Those few more people included Ryan's friend from Louisville (I didn't hear her say a word the whole time), Fifthe, two of Meagan's friends (one of whom I believe was called Kayla), Kraut, and a few more people I didn't know.
At perhaps ten Nikki got bored and we broke into her rum. Nikki had been drinking for a bit before this and was already buzzed when the rest of us started. Julie and Kraut weren't fans of the flavor at all, but we convinced them to drink at least something. From what I can tell my quest to get booze into Brandon was a failure and after that party I doubt he'll be willing to try it again. He had two and a half of rum and one of vodka, and by the end of the night had seven shots total. The rest of us had varying amounts but Nikki and I both drank too much too fast.
This is when things become a blur. I never blacked out, but I also didn't do anything that matters during this period. Maybe an hour of stumbling around and having conversations later Nikki and I turned inside out. I had an empty stomach and the presence of mind to make sure a trash can was at hand and my sense of smell was obliterated by ethanol so I stayed in Nikki's room while she emptied her guts and made sure she didn't end up on her back. I know it took a while for things to go wrong, but time slows for me when I'm plastered so I stayed in there for what seemed like hours when in reality it was only an hour or so. I intermittently heard Nikki and got up to make sure she was still good but other than that I half-slept on the floor and was cold. I know the disaster hadn't happened yet because I went to get my hoodie from the car with Brandon's help at perhaps midnight or one. I heard loud fucking coming from the other room and didn't want to go for the hoodie until the sex noises had died down. Turns out they were just watching Pirates.
Next thing of note is Meagan stumbling in crying and Amber stumbling in with a sad look on her face about five minutes apart. I figured I'd get up because my spidey senses were tingling. Damage control time. I'm not gonna write down what I heard happened because it doesn't need to be made public, but what you can know is that Amber hit Meagan and Meagan fucking lost it. I had anger and hurt feelings on Meagan's side and pure regret on Amber's. I'm just gonna hope this doesn't ruin things for them. If you want details on this bit, ask me. I might tell you. Probably the only people I'll talk to about it are those involved and Nikki, since I was charged with filling her in on what happened while she was blacked out.
Anyway, I took a walk. First I took a walk with Brandon. We lamented about how the world was against him and sometimes I'm pretty sure it is. His situation sometimes seems like evidence against a god. He eventually decided he needed to wander off alone so I returned to the circle behind Norse hall and ran into Amber. Walked around with her and ended up, as usual, handing my hoodie to her. I think every time the two of us end up drinking in that dorm room she's underdressed and cold. [shrug]
Eventually Brandon returned and last I saw there's been at least a measure of reconciliation. So much drama...
After a while Nikki woke up. Whatever she last ate was red and it was everywhere. I've got one image burned into my mind of her staring into the bathroom mirror covered in puke. She's not gonna enjoy today. The room still reeks and probably will for days.
I met the vaunted Alex, too. Figured I'd be sober when I met him but he came and went while I was still gone. I heard one person call him an asshole but from what I can tell he's a pretty friendly guy. Slowly, surely, people tricked out. It ended with Brandon and Amber on the fold-out couch and me on the floor. Julie maybe stayed but I wasn't paying any attention and was half-asleep anyway.
The sun woke me at 9:45 and while at first I figured I'd stay a bit but had no reason to so I wandered to the car and drove home. I don't remember any of the drive but know I set the cruise control, drove like I had a cop in the car with me, and got home good. Some motherfucker hit my door in the parking lot, though. The paint's pretty abused. Breakfast was a can of Red Bull, a hot shower, and this blog post. I think I need something a little more substantial than that.
Do I regret anything? Hell no. Am I gonna repeat this mistake in the future? Almost certainly. That's just the way things work.
I had been talking to Sarah, Nikki, and Meagan shortly before I left. Seems Meagan is at odds with Sarah, who was on a quest to find some Red Stripe. I get to the "party" and the participants at that point were the residents, Ryan, and Julie. Except for Ryan and a bit of his wine no booze had been consumed and wouldn't be until a few more people arrived. Those few more people included Ryan's friend from Louisville (I didn't hear her say a word the whole time), Fifthe, two of Meagan's friends (one of whom I believe was called Kayla), Kraut, and a few more people I didn't know.
At perhaps ten Nikki got bored and we broke into her rum. Nikki had been drinking for a bit before this and was already buzzed when the rest of us started. Julie and Kraut weren't fans of the flavor at all, but we convinced them to drink at least something. From what I can tell my quest to get booze into Brandon was a failure and after that party I doubt he'll be willing to try it again. He had two and a half of rum and one of vodka, and by the end of the night had seven shots total. The rest of us had varying amounts but Nikki and I both drank too much too fast.
This is when things become a blur. I never blacked out, but I also didn't do anything that matters during this period. Maybe an hour of stumbling around and having conversations later Nikki and I turned inside out. I had an empty stomach and the presence of mind to make sure a trash can was at hand and my sense of smell was obliterated by ethanol so I stayed in Nikki's room while she emptied her guts and made sure she didn't end up on her back. I know it took a while for things to go wrong, but time slows for me when I'm plastered so I stayed in there for what seemed like hours when in reality it was only an hour or so. I intermittently heard Nikki and got up to make sure she was still good but other than that I half-slept on the floor and was cold. I know the disaster hadn't happened yet because I went to get my hoodie from the car with Brandon's help at perhaps midnight or one. I heard loud fucking coming from the other room and didn't want to go for the hoodie until the sex noises had died down. Turns out they were just watching Pirates.
Next thing of note is Meagan stumbling in crying and Amber stumbling in with a sad look on her face about five minutes apart. I figured I'd get up because my spidey senses were tingling. Damage control time. I'm not gonna write down what I heard happened because it doesn't need to be made public, but what you can know is that Amber hit Meagan and Meagan fucking lost it. I had anger and hurt feelings on Meagan's side and pure regret on Amber's. I'm just gonna hope this doesn't ruin things for them. If you want details on this bit, ask me. I might tell you. Probably the only people I'll talk to about it are those involved and Nikki, since I was charged with filling her in on what happened while she was blacked out.
Anyway, I took a walk. First I took a walk with Brandon. We lamented about how the world was against him and sometimes I'm pretty sure it is. His situation sometimes seems like evidence against a god. He eventually decided he needed to wander off alone so I returned to the circle behind Norse hall and ran into Amber. Walked around with her and ended up, as usual, handing my hoodie to her. I think every time the two of us end up drinking in that dorm room she's underdressed and cold. [shrug]
Eventually Brandon returned and last I saw there's been at least a measure of reconciliation. So much drama...
After a while Nikki woke up. Whatever she last ate was red and it was everywhere. I've got one image burned into my mind of her staring into the bathroom mirror covered in puke. She's not gonna enjoy today. The room still reeks and probably will for days.
I met the vaunted Alex, too. Figured I'd be sober when I met him but he came and went while I was still gone. I heard one person call him an asshole but from what I can tell he's a pretty friendly guy. Slowly, surely, people tricked out. It ended with Brandon and Amber on the fold-out couch and me on the floor. Julie maybe stayed but I wasn't paying any attention and was half-asleep anyway.
The sun woke me at 9:45 and while at first I figured I'd stay a bit but had no reason to so I wandered to the car and drove home. I don't remember any of the drive but know I set the cruise control, drove like I had a cop in the car with me, and got home good. Some motherfucker hit my door in the parking lot, though. The paint's pretty abused. Breakfast was a can of Red Bull, a hot shower, and this blog post. I think I need something a little more substantial than that.
Do I regret anything? Hell no. Am I gonna repeat this mistake in the future? Almost certainly. That's just the way things work.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Nasty Story of the Week
So I was cleaning my paintball gun the other day and forgot to reinstall the safety. Naturally I went to test it out. When you leave the safety out, accidents are bound to happen, so I ended up firing a round into my arm at near point-blank. It's happened to me before and it hurts like a motherfucker but I wasn't really worried about it. When paint hits you at that range the skin splits and a giant welt forms. It's a simple matter of cleaning off the blood and paint and getting on with your life. Anyway, the wound sealed with some paint in it and I didn't know. It was orange so the color didn't tip me off.
Turns out said welt got massively infected. I got out of the shower today and noticed the typical cream-colored spot that is hardcore skin infection. My natural reaction is the same as the medical community's: pus needs to be drained.
You know what's gross? Ejecting a milliliter of pale orange pus and five or six milliliters of stale, black blood from a wound. It smells pretty awesome, too. Just thought I'd share that because grossing you guys out is fun.
Party tonight! Eight PM! Woo!
Turns out said welt got massively infected. I got out of the shower today and noticed the typical cream-colored spot that is hardcore skin infection. My natural reaction is the same as the medical community's: pus needs to be drained.
You know what's gross? Ejecting a milliliter of pale orange pus and five or six milliliters of stale, black blood from a wound. It smells pretty awesome, too. Just thought I'd share that because grossing you guys out is fun.
Party tonight! Eight PM! Woo!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Starting Now I'm Starting Over
I've got this weird thought coalescing in the nether-regions of my consciousness. I'm not entirely sure what it is but it involves me losing touch. I'm distancing myself from people because I'm starting to have trouble with empathy or something. I'm not sure. Maybe it's just a phase. I'll figure out how to word this and when I do I have an edit button. The title is a quote from the song you see below. The chorus fits with the fact that my friends are collectively so insane I no longer think about what causes their moods. I'm so indifferent somebody could offer to suck my dick and I'd shrug rather than answer. Actually, I think that happened this summer. Jesus...
The aforementioned chorus:
"Tick-tock, you're not a clock. You're a time bomb, baby."
Fan-made video. I usually really hate these but I wanted you to hear the song and this one is reasonably simple and well-done.
I think I like this band because they're happy overall but there are some overtones that it's not all shits and giggles. It's kinda how I work, I guess. Always happy but staying that way because it's easier than letting problems drag me down. Every day the facade gets a little shinier and whatever's still real dies a bit more. School has a way of bringing me down like this.
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Now playing: Time Bomb - The Format
via FoxyTunes
The aforementioned chorus:
"Tick-tock, you're not a clock. You're a time bomb, baby."
Fan-made video. I usually really hate these but I wanted you to hear the song and this one is reasonably simple and well-done.
I think I like this band because they're happy overall but there are some overtones that it's not all shits and giggles. It's kinda how I work, I guess. Always happy but staying that way because it's easier than letting problems drag me down. Every day the facade gets a little shinier and whatever's still real dies a bit more. School has a way of bringing me down like this.
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Now playing: Time Bomb - The Format
via FoxyTunes
I don't get people.
I don't think I ever really will. I'm way too stable. It's like I got all the good human qualities and never learned how you people deal with the bad ones.
No codependency issues.
No unpredictable mood swings.
Lots of self confidence.
High IQ.
Charisma.
I'm happily single, happily happy, happy with myself, and smart enough to know it's not all a dream. I lead from the front with a smile and an expletive. I like to blog about how awesome I am.
And yet everyone I know is spineless or damaged. Okay, almost everyone. Most are both. I am everything and nothing, and I like this song a whole lot. :)
Word of the day: "Shmammered." Heard it at NKU yesterday in reference to some guy downing half a bottle of Southern Comfort. Sheesh. Also, Fifthe can spit like no one I've seen before.
Cameron loves him some comments.
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Now playing: Jesusland - Ben Folds
via FoxyTunes
No codependency issues.
No unpredictable mood swings.
Lots of self confidence.
High IQ.
Charisma.
I'm happily single, happily happy, happy with myself, and smart enough to know it's not all a dream. I lead from the front with a smile and an expletive. I like to blog about how awesome I am.
And yet everyone I know is spineless or damaged. Okay, almost everyone. Most are both. I am everything and nothing, and I like this song a whole lot. :)
Word of the day: "Shmammered." Heard it at NKU yesterday in reference to some guy downing half a bottle of Southern Comfort. Sheesh. Also, Fifthe can spit like no one I've seen before.
Cameron loves him some comments.
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Now playing: Jesusland - Ben Folds
via FoxyTunes
Man vs Pie
And once again people are, for the most part, happy again. Amber and Emily Gilliam are having some issues, but Amber told the world to stay the hell out of it and I couldn't help Emily deny somebody because I get the feeling bluntness isn't quite so welcome here. I am therefore staying out of it.
Got my hands on a Gogol Bordello album last night at Jimmy's. It's FUCKING INCREDIBLE.
:)
Brothers of the Snake is making life a blur of violence, suspense, and plot hooks. I like life that way.
The post title is referring to lunch today. I went to get some of those 50-cent pot pies from Kroghetto and had nothing but my cheap-ass knife to eat them with. I showed those pies who's boss. I think I'm addicted to the damn things.
Hung out at NKU once again last night. Listened to some of Meagan's insane babbling about not liking fruit and decided I'd wander to Nikki's room for something more sane. I don't remember what she said but I abruptly turned around and returned to the normal half of the suite. Can't wait for Friday!
I don't own any purple clothing.
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Now playing: Start Wearing Purple - Gogol Bordello
via FoxyTunes
Got my hands on a Gogol Bordello album last night at Jimmy's. It's FUCKING INCREDIBLE.
:)
Brothers of the Snake is making life a blur of violence, suspense, and plot hooks. I like life that way.
The post title is referring to lunch today. I went to get some of those 50-cent pot pies from Kroghetto and had nothing but my cheap-ass knife to eat them with. I showed those pies who's boss. I think I'm addicted to the damn things.
Hung out at NKU once again last night. Listened to some of Meagan's insane babbling about not liking fruit and decided I'd wander to Nikki's room for something more sane. I don't remember what she said but I abruptly turned around and returned to the normal half of the suite. Can't wait for Friday!
I don't own any purple clothing.
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Now playing: Start Wearing Purple - Gogol Bordello
via FoxyTunes
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Schoolhouse Blues
So this thermo homework doesn't want to be done. First I couldn't access it and now I can't access materials to learn how.
And the organic lab is gonna blow. Gotta write out the procedure and buy the book and some notebooks tomorrow.
Calculus is ruining my life.
The good news is that what we're doing now in calculus, differentiation, is easy enough. Multiple variables now, but I enjoy differentiation. It's the only math I've ever liked doing. Taking derivatives is like a game to me. I know how to think in 3D, too. That means organic chemistry is gonna be real easy for me. I'm also gonna have no problem with my biology class.
It's a mix of good and bad news about class. I can't wait for Friday. I get to see Meagan's white hair (She seems excited about it.) I get to blend Red Bull and Smirnoff. I'm gonna try to get Brandon a little messed up. I have some goals.
Also, Kaitlin called Sunday off. We gotta find something to do.
I don't hate this album nearly as much as I used to.
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Now playing: When You Were Young - The Killers
via FoxyTunes
And the organic lab is gonna blow. Gotta write out the procedure and buy the book and some notebooks tomorrow.
Calculus is ruining my life.
The good news is that what we're doing now in calculus, differentiation, is easy enough. Multiple variables now, but I enjoy differentiation. It's the only math I've ever liked doing. Taking derivatives is like a game to me. I know how to think in 3D, too. That means organic chemistry is gonna be real easy for me. I'm also gonna have no problem with my biology class.
It's a mix of good and bad news about class. I can't wait for Friday. I get to see Meagan's white hair (She seems excited about it.) I get to blend Red Bull and Smirnoff. I'm gonna try to get Brandon a little messed up. I have some goals.
Also, Kaitlin called Sunday off. We gotta find something to do.
I don't hate this album nearly as much as I used to.
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Now playing: When You Were Young - The Killers
via FoxyTunes
Monday, September 24, 2007
Gonna have a good week if I'm feeling lucky.
And who doesn't like a pretty picture?
Plans for this week include doing some homework, introducing Kraut to Jimmy tomorrow night when we play a little 40K at my place, and getting fucked up Friday night.
I don't know that this blog post was at all necessary, but I was bored and have been reading QDB all night. I have no clue what's going on anymore.
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Now playing: Downtown - Tegan & Sara
via FoxyTunes
Then Again
I see that every morning on the way to school. That sight alone mitigates all my doubts about the future.
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Now playing: Big Sur - The Thrills
via FoxyTunes
What the fuck?
So I'm siting here in Basic Thermodynamics. For those of you who don't know, thermodynamics is the study of heat transfer and energy change and is more or less the process that makes chemistry work. Anyway, I'm not paying shit attention as usual.
I never pay attention.
But I don't really party, either. I do no homework and I don't party. Some people go to college for academic reasons and spend most of the time studying. Some people go to college to be away from home and spend most of the time partying. I know plenty who are in mostly because it delays the whole "real world" thing for half a decade. I, somehow, am in for none of that. Perhaps the latter, but I don't know. I just know that the main reason I'm still in a major this hard but don't do any work is because I've been saying I was in for materials for two years now. I can't back down on that. I'm obligated by pride to spend the next four years doing this.
I see a bunch of my friends changing majors, too. Nikki, Chris, Seth, Mike... That's just this year. But I'd have to change schools entirely. I only get in-state for engineering. If I wanted to change majors I'd invariably end up at NKU, which probably doesn't have anywhere near the chance of getting me a high-paying job. I can basically do science and history and I'm against lengthy research papers. A few of the people who have changed majors are going for degrees that can get them low-paying jobs anywhere. They can become nomads. Freelance artists traveling the world and crashing wherever they know somebody. They would, as few can today, become real hobos. I'd kill for a life like that.
Whatever. I'm here. I'm stuck here. Might as well come out on top or die trying.
I never pay attention.
But I don't really party, either. I do no homework and I don't party. Some people go to college for academic reasons and spend most of the time studying. Some people go to college to be away from home and spend most of the time partying. I know plenty who are in mostly because it delays the whole "real world" thing for half a decade. I, somehow, am in for none of that. Perhaps the latter, but I don't know. I just know that the main reason I'm still in a major this hard but don't do any work is because I've been saying I was in for materials for two years now. I can't back down on that. I'm obligated by pride to spend the next four years doing this.
I see a bunch of my friends changing majors, too. Nikki, Chris, Seth, Mike... That's just this year. But I'd have to change schools entirely. I only get in-state for engineering. If I wanted to change majors I'd invariably end up at NKU, which probably doesn't have anywhere near the chance of getting me a high-paying job. I can basically do science and history and I'm against lengthy research papers. A few of the people who have changed majors are going for degrees that can get them low-paying jobs anywhere. They can become nomads. Freelance artists traveling the world and crashing wherever they know somebody. They would, as few can today, become real hobos. I'd kill for a life like that.
Whatever. I'm here. I'm stuck here. Might as well come out on top or die trying.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Just Like the Hatfields and McCoys
Or the Crips and Bloods...
Meagan and Nikki seem to have established a truce.
Just figured I'd celebrate that. Yip!
Also, NEW METALOCALYPSE TONIGHT.
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Now playing: 2002 - Frameworks - Madison, WS - Cavaliers
via FoxyTunes
Meagan and Nikki seem to have established a truce.
Just figured I'd celebrate that. Yip!
Also, NEW METALOCALYPSE TONIGHT.
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Now playing: 2002 - Frameworks - Madison, WS - Cavaliers
via FoxyTunes
Lumpdates
I thought that sounded funny. The series below has been sitting alone long enough and I've two days worth of random shit to report on. I should really be doing my thermodynamics homework.
So far as the whole feud situation goes, Meagan got trashed again and Nikki vanished. She's had the same "I've run away." away message up for two days and hasn't been idle. Weird.
Update: She ran to Louisville because, as Brandon put it, "Mike is the only one she can trust." I think this is the part where I glance down at my jewels and thank all of the world's gods that I got the chromosome with all the logic genes in it.
That sounded way too much like stalking.
Went to the game last night. Apparently this new girl that Alicia and Bret met at the concert was going to come but she showed up and left before I got there. I think her name is Peggy. UC football games are pretty awesome. Nothing like cheering on the Cats with 35,000 of your closest friends... Marshal sucks at football! Final score - 40-14. Alicia and I ended up at my place with cheap pizza, cheap ice cream, and 300. I love that movie!
Joey drunk dialed me last night at 5:31 AM. I'm going to revert to silencing my phone at night, I guess. I used to because Aashi would call at weird hours. [shrug] The voicemail is pretty funny. I think I'm gonna make him listen to it sometime.
For the most part people seem to be happy. Nikki and Meagan are, of course, not happy. Strangely enough the former seems to be worse off at this point. Meagan is callous and, as she says, simpler than most women and stabilizes pretty quickly after initial freak-out.
Two music updates: I used to really not like Sam's Town, the second album by The Killers, but I've warmed to it. I still prefer Hot Fuss, though.
Thanks to the shit I stole from Brandon I now have 41 gigs of music. 41 motherfucking gigs. Woo! I'm listening to some of the shit I jacked from him now.
That's the update. I was kinda disappointed. I was hoping I'd get more than a comment on the previous five posts but whatever. Peace out, bitches!
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Now playing: The Beast And Dragon, Adored - Spoon
via FoxyTunes
So far as the whole feud situation goes, Meagan got trashed again and Nikki vanished. She's had the same "I've run away." away message up for two days and hasn't been idle. Weird.
Update: She ran to Louisville because, as Brandon put it, "Mike is the only one she can trust." I think this is the part where I glance down at my jewels and thank all of the world's gods that I got the chromosome with all the logic genes in it.
That sounded way too much like stalking.
Went to the game last night. Apparently this new girl that Alicia and Bret met at the concert was going to come but she showed up and left before I got there. I think her name is Peggy. UC football games are pretty awesome. Nothing like cheering on the Cats with 35,000 of your closest friends... Marshal sucks at football! Final score - 40-14. Alicia and I ended up at my place with cheap pizza, cheap ice cream, and 300. I love that movie!
Joey drunk dialed me last night at 5:31 AM. I'm going to revert to silencing my phone at night, I guess. I used to because Aashi would call at weird hours. [shrug] The voicemail is pretty funny. I think I'm gonna make him listen to it sometime.
For the most part people seem to be happy. Nikki and Meagan are, of course, not happy. Strangely enough the former seems to be worse off at this point. Meagan is callous and, as she says, simpler than most women and stabilizes pretty quickly after initial freak-out.
Two music updates: I used to really not like Sam's Town, the second album by The Killers, but I've warmed to it. I still prefer Hot Fuss, though.
Thanks to the shit I stole from Brandon I now have 41 gigs of music. 41 motherfucking gigs. Woo! I'm listening to some of the shit I jacked from him now.
That's the update. I was kinda disappointed. I was hoping I'd get more than a comment on the previous five posts but whatever. Peace out, bitches!
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Now playing: The Beast And Dragon, Adored - Spoon
via FoxyTunes
Saturday, September 22, 2007
One More for the Readers
I isolated this group of five because they're all related. Start at the bottom and work your way up.
I'm staying out of it. I don't want to put up with your fighting anymore. So feel free to come and talk to me. Come to my shindigs. Invite me to yours. I'm gonna be nice and sociable and friendly to both of you. But until you resolve this yourselves I'm gonna change the subject the second one of you mentions the other. I'll be the Don King if you decide to fight it out with a set of rules in place, but other than that I'm out.
"I don't fuckin' care. I don't fuckin' care. I don't fuckin' care anymore!"
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Now playing: Nothin' - Reel Big Fish
via FoxyTunes
Trendy
So I got this blog thing. Some people already had them. I read Emily Wernet's for the funny quotes. I knew Nikki had one but never really looked at it. Then I decided that it was better for me to talk to a text box than a person. I have problems and won't leave them for people to pick up.
But that was never really the intention, was it? I wanted an audience. I got one and started talking. I won't even put the real problems on here because I don't want to vent to my friends. How ironic is that?
But the people in my audience, well, they got blogs if they didn't already have them. And we started keeping tabs on each other. We have at last reached the point of TMI. We learned too much. Found the insecurities we didn't realize people had. Found a crack in a friendship. And then we read and learned and people got involved who probably should have stayed out of it. I was one of those people. And when we got involved we managed to lay into that crack with crowbars. We were trying to help and only helped them blow it way out of line.
I am, for once, thinking that I should have retained my old prejudice against blogs and never started one up. I made it trendy and everything fell apart.
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Now playing: Everything Sucks - Reel Big Fish
via FoxyTunes
But that was never really the intention, was it? I wanted an audience. I got one and started talking. I won't even put the real problems on here because I don't want to vent to my friends. How ironic is that?
But the people in my audience, well, they got blogs if they didn't already have them. And we started keeping tabs on each other. We have at last reached the point of TMI. We learned too much. Found the insecurities we didn't realize people had. Found a crack in a friendship. And then we read and learned and people got involved who probably should have stayed out of it. I was one of those people. And when we got involved we managed to lay into that crack with crowbars. We were trying to help and only helped them blow it way out of line.
I am, for once, thinking that I should have retained my old prejudice against blogs and never started one up. I made it trendy and everything fell apart.
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Now playing: Everything Sucks - Reel Big Fish
via FoxyTunes
Bash Said It Better
This needed to be separate from the more important previous post but still fits the theme that I'm getting more misanthropic by the second. I think I might be taking it out on the UC friends, too. I'm just carting the drama someplace else. I've been a real ass to them lately and I'm gonna go ahead and put a stop to that now.
That quote has described me so often in the past. Thank you, bash.org. I tried to say it myself in the bottom chunk of this post but I had this in mind the whole time.
DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
That quote has described me so often in the past. Thank you, bash.org. I tried to say it myself in the bottom chunk of this post but I had this in mind the whole time.
I think I'm gonna hurt.
Because this whole Meagan-Nikki situation has me slamming my head into a wall. It's the most generic expression of frustration I know. I can't explain the feeling of utter futility, you know? Today or yesterday or something Nikki was being friendly about it. Today Meagan and I had a long conversation about stuff. I thought things were really going well. I thought they were mending. I fucking thought, and I had hope. And I read two blog posts and felt like I'd been kicked in the gut. This is going the wrong direction. I had a good night. I had a nice talk and some goetta. I felt the ride home with Nikki was a little awkward but I did not see that coming.
Motherfucker. God-fucking-dammit. I am slamming my head into the nearest wall and wondering why I and everyone I know has to mistreat everyone else. If anyone has a bullet for this metaphorical gun I'm holding, I think I need to fire it into my foot.
Amber's last 5 gummy bears are keeping me from burying my face in my hands and wondering what the fuck went wrong and why it happened right when things were turning. Right when I thought something good could happen. I got a text in the car. Meagan said, "Read Nikki's blog when you get home." I guess I kinda knew then that the shit had hit the fan.
[whack! whack! whack!...]
In my mind I'm at Lookout Point enjoying the skyline. In my mind I'm calm and happy and peaceful and nothing is going to shit around me. Then I stop dreaming and I'm ass-deep in rubble.
This is not my feud. This is not my problem. And yet they spoke to me. They came to me and I got involved. I tried to help and felt like I might have been helping. It's not my problem, and yet I'm caught in the crossfire. I'm trying to mediate from no man's land while they empty machine guns at each other. I can feel every angry thought that comes my way. I can't take both sides at once and I can't reconcile them. I'm just gonna be nice to each of them and change the subject when one mentions the other.
Motherfucker. God-fucking-dammit. I am slamming my head into the nearest wall and wondering why I and everyone I know has to mistreat everyone else. If anyone has a bullet for this metaphorical gun I'm holding, I think I need to fire it into my foot.
Amber's last 5 gummy bears are keeping me from burying my face in my hands and wondering what the fuck went wrong and why it happened right when things were turning. Right when I thought something good could happen. I got a text in the car. Meagan said, "Read Nikki's blog when you get home." I guess I kinda knew then that the shit had hit the fan.
[whack! whack! whack!...]
In my mind I'm at Lookout Point enjoying the skyline. In my mind I'm calm and happy and peaceful and nothing is going to shit around me. Then I stop dreaming and I'm ass-deep in rubble.
This is not my feud. This is not my problem. And yet they spoke to me. They came to me and I got involved. I tried to help and felt like I might have been helping. It's not my problem, and yet I'm caught in the crossfire. I'm trying to mediate from no man's land while they empty machine guns at each other. I can feel every angry thought that comes my way. I can't take both sides at once and I can't reconcile them. I'm just gonna be nice to each of them and change the subject when one mentions the other.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Reversal
How the fuck does an extrovert manage this? I'm almost certain I've spent more time hanging out in the dorms at NKU than the dorms at my own college. I currently hang out with Bret and Alicia. Aashi often tags along but she finally realizes that I don't have much respect for her and doesn't get pushy or try to call me. Sometimes I hang out with Moneysmith. For the most part, though, I spend the days here alone with my XM receiver. I'm alone in full classes all day. This might be worse than work.
At least the scenery is nice, right?
A lunatic extrovert who spends his days alone. Ha! The true irony is that I'm the one doing all the mingling at big social events. Alicia and Bret tell me they aren't very good at mingling and I immediately introduce them to the nearest friendly-looking stranger. I have ideas, though. Little explanations. Most of them center around the parking pass, though.
Even my antisocial friends have found people on campus because they live there. Me? I have local friends. Lots of local friends. I go home every night and can hang out with them whenever. I don't live on campus where I see the same people all the time. I know the area better and more easily find off-campus entertainment. I haven't bothered finding friends here because I didn't absolutely have to and I'm too lazy. So I'm gonna continue to go to the Friday Night Live stuff with Bret and hope our little cadre sways another frosh. I'm gonna hang out here and not change my ways. Feel alone but know that I can go home and never be lonely. In essence, I'm gonna fuck things up for myself and limit my social opportunities because it's easier than trying. That's exactly how I fucked up my GPA...
On a related note, I wonder why the fuck I'm in engineering every minute I'm in calculus. That's the only class that does it to me. I always thought I could just force my way through the math and enjoy the engineering, but I have no study skills. See this? This is me not doing calculus homework. Motherfucker...
Small, somewhat irrelevant note on hair: I'm thinking I might keep the back and sides short and grow out the top. Not emo-style or anything, but an older look. It was popular in Germany when NSDAP was rising to power between the World Wars. I've had a caesar cut for the last sixteen years. The look I'm talking about can be found on Dicky Barrett, the frontman of The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, in this video. Long on top and slicked back. Looks good with a fedora and trench coat.
I saw Dr. Bassett today. Just walked past him on MainStreet while I was walking to Center Court. The guy has a voice that's dead-on Tony the Tiger and he's really, extremely friendly. It was nice running into Beechwood's old super.
At least the scenery is nice, right?
A lunatic extrovert who spends his days alone. Ha! The true irony is that I'm the one doing all the mingling at big social events. Alicia and Bret tell me they aren't very good at mingling and I immediately introduce them to the nearest friendly-looking stranger. I have ideas, though. Little explanations. Most of them center around the parking pass, though.
Even my antisocial friends have found people on campus because they live there. Me? I have local friends. Lots of local friends. I go home every night and can hang out with them whenever. I don't live on campus where I see the same people all the time. I know the area better and more easily find off-campus entertainment. I haven't bothered finding friends here because I didn't absolutely have to and I'm too lazy. So I'm gonna continue to go to the Friday Night Live stuff with Bret and hope our little cadre sways another frosh. I'm gonna hang out here and not change my ways. Feel alone but know that I can go home and never be lonely. In essence, I'm gonna fuck things up for myself and limit my social opportunities because it's easier than trying. That's exactly how I fucked up my GPA...
On a related note, I wonder why the fuck I'm in engineering every minute I'm in calculus. That's the only class that does it to me. I always thought I could just force my way through the math and enjoy the engineering, but I have no study skills. See this? This is me not doing calculus homework. Motherfucker...
Small, somewhat irrelevant note on hair: I'm thinking I might keep the back and sides short and grow out the top. Not emo-style or anything, but an older look. It was popular in Germany when NSDAP was rising to power between the World Wars. I've had a caesar cut for the last sixteen years. The look I'm talking about can be found on Dicky Barrett, the frontman of The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, in this video. Long on top and slicked back. Looks good with a fedora and trench coat.
I saw Dr. Bassett today. Just walked past him on MainStreet while I was walking to Center Court. The guy has a voice that's dead-on Tony the Tiger and he's really, extremely friendly. It was nice running into Beechwood's old super.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
You gonna die!
Not really, though. The one thing I've noticed recently is how safely I've been driving. I don't really speed as much unless I'm on 275. I don't weave through lanes so often. I delegate stuff to passengers rather than distract myself with it. I have no idea what brought on the change but you can all relax now. You don't have to fear doom every time you open the door.
More good news: The ear piercing has finally healed well enough so I can sleep with nothing in and not worry about it. It's more comfortable that way.
Bad news: I think I may have accidentally pushed Meagan away. I really don't want to push anyone away. Dammit. Sometimes it's really hard to stay on good terms with two people who start hating each other.
I have "The Underdog" by Spoon stuck in my head.
More good news: The ear piercing has finally healed well enough so I can sleep with nothing in and not worry about it. It's more comfortable that way.
Bad news: I think I may have accidentally pushed Meagan away. I really don't want to push anyone away. Dammit. Sometimes it's really hard to stay on good terms with two people who start hating each other.
I have "The Underdog" by Spoon stuck in my head.
Because Failure is So Much Sweeter in Retrospect
Shindig Tomorrow. You're all invited. I'm letting Jessica Faine do all the planning. Some of you will want to hurt me for that. So far as I can tell we all suck at planning. Bad. Faine actually has ideas, which makes her better at it than us. :)
My part of the plan: Rescue Kaitlin after halftime. She's gonna have to help me out on that one.
Ignoring all the drama. I don't care if you're fucked up. You should show up, crazy NKU people. It'll be fun.
No FoxyTunes music because I'm watching Bosstones videos on YouTube...
My part of the plan: Rescue Kaitlin after halftime. She's gonna have to help me out on that one.
Ignoring all the drama. I don't care if you're fucked up. You should show up, crazy NKU people. It'll be fun.
No FoxyTunes music because I'm watching Bosstones videos on YouTube...
Micro-Blog 22
I get a haircut today! Thanks, mommy. :)
Way, way too much drama at NKU. First Nikki overreacted and called Meagan's mom. Then Meagan super overreacted and disowned Nikki. I should stick you both in a corner and say, "Alright, miss. If that's how it's gonna be I think you need a time out." I managed to offend Nikki, too. I've got to be more harsh with you, hon. You're more mature and will take criticism with a grain of salt rather than a fist full of pills. That's how it works when you're breaking up fights between adults and children. And then there's the whole Brandon-Amber train wreck.
EDITOR'S NOTE: So Nikki called nobody. I didn't have that information until today. That means ONE of you is at fault. Guess who. Also, I forgot to mention that in addition to this, Sarah and Ryan are also involved. Jesus. If I wanted this shit I'd go hang out with mall emos. From now on most of you are only allowed to talk to me when you're smiling.
As usual, almost no drama at UC. Until Aashi starts calling me again there will probably be none.
I ran out of text. Five over. That was work's fault. I'll text again on the 25th, since that's when the plan changes months.
Shindig Friday because Jessica Faine said so and Kaitlin secretly wanted it to happen the whole time. I used to hate Faine but not seeing her in a year has improved things.
Emily, Kaitlin... Welcome to the top. The weather is nice up here and I gotta say, it 's comforting to look down on everyone at the bottom. :)
Way, way too much drama at NKU. First Nikki overreacted and called Meagan's mom. Then Meagan super overreacted and disowned Nikki. I should stick you both in a corner and say, "Alright, miss. If that's how it's gonna be I think you need a time out." I managed to offend Nikki, too. I've got to be more harsh with you, hon. You're more mature and will take criticism with a grain of salt rather than a fist full of pills. That's how it works when you're breaking up fights between adults and children. And then there's the whole Brandon-Amber train wreck.
EDITOR'S NOTE: So Nikki called nobody. I didn't have that information until today. That means ONE of you is at fault. Guess who. Also, I forgot to mention that in addition to this, Sarah and Ryan are also involved. Jesus. If I wanted this shit I'd go hang out with mall emos. From now on most of you are only allowed to talk to me when you're smiling.
As usual, almost no drama at UC. Until Aashi starts calling me again there will probably be none.
I ran out of text. Five over. That was work's fault. I'll text again on the 25th, since that's when the plan changes months.
Shindig Friday because Jessica Faine said so and Kaitlin secretly wanted it to happen the whole time. I used to hate Faine but not seeing her in a year has improved things.
Emily, Kaitlin... Welcome to the top. The weather is nice up here and I gotta say, it 's comforting to look down on everyone at the bottom. :)
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
I was lying the whole time.
Go read my first post.
I was so lying. I use it mainly because I'm happy and have things to celebrate. I eagerly anticipate new comments. I post 1-5 times daily. Everything in that damn post hasn't come to pass.
You know what? I'm happy about that. I'm happy that I have readers that care. I'm happy that I don't feel lousy often enough to use it for its original purpose. I'm happy in general. Join me? It's lonely at the top.
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Now playing: Kvällning - Finntroll
via FoxyTunes
I was so lying. I use it mainly because I'm happy and have things to celebrate. I eagerly anticipate new comments. I post 1-5 times daily. Everything in that damn post hasn't come to pass.
You know what? I'm happy about that. I'm happy that I have readers that care. I'm happy that I don't feel lousy often enough to use it for its original purpose. I'm happy in general. Join me? It's lonely at the top.
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Now playing: Kvällning - Finntroll
via FoxyTunes
Purple Monkeys and Neptoon Cats
The infamous Jessica Faine requested that I have a bit of a shindig this Friday night.
Why the fuck not? Who's with me!?
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Now playing: Slagbröder - Finntroll
via FoxyTunes
Why the fuck not? Who's with me!?
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Now playing: Slagbröder - Finntroll
via FoxyTunes
Micro-Blog 21
And then Alicia's sister called...
Drama hit UC. Bret threatened to kill a professor today.
I'm gonna jump off a bridge. Anyone want to join me? I'm gonna stick a giant swimming pool full of sweet tea on 71/75 by the Dixie Highway overpass. Then I'm gonna dive in bendy straw first. Then I'll hop out, shower to de-stickify myself, and hop back in with a bucket of fried chicken and mashed potatoes. Why? Because I like showers and southern cuisine.
I never threaten to kill myself. Never have, never will. I've never seriously considered killing myself. I just threaten do to stuff that sounds deadly at first and ends up with me happy and well-fed. The rest of the world should be like me.
Drama hit UC. Bret threatened to kill a professor today.
I'm gonna jump off a bridge. Anyone want to join me? I'm gonna stick a giant swimming pool full of sweet tea on 71/75 by the Dixie Highway overpass. Then I'm gonna dive in bendy straw first. Then I'll hop out, shower to de-stickify myself, and hop back in with a bucket of fried chicken and mashed potatoes. Why? Because I like showers and southern cuisine.
I never threaten to kill myself. Never have, never will. I've never seriously considered killing myself. I just threaten do to stuff that sounds deadly at first and ends up with me happy and well-fed. The rest of the world should be like me.
Micro-Blog 20
Holy living fuck, NKU people. Holy living fuck.
On a related note, I'm hanging out with my UC friends again and I never noticed their utter lack of glaring emotional issues. There is no conflict. I say stupid shit and act like Jesus and they forgive me, laugh with and at me, move on. I had several meals yesterday via Jesus and had fun the whole time. It's so... peaceful here. I don't hate you guys. I don't resent your issues. Hell, they define you. I just... It's refreshing to get a call from Alicia because her biggest problem right now is that she wants a ride to Wal-Mart. Oy ve! Can I start slamming my head on the desk now? I want to be fully concussed when Meagan starts shooting people.
Also, Nikki and Kaitlin use the same template for their blogs and it is confusing the fuck out of me. They have different writing styles and different issues and it's a bit odd to realize I've been reading the wrong blog. :) Emily Gilliam also uses that template but for some reason she doesn't figure into the confusion. I always know which is hers. Probably the less frequent updates.
On a related note, I'm hanging out with my UC friends again and I never noticed their utter lack of glaring emotional issues. There is no conflict. I say stupid shit and act like Jesus and they forgive me, laugh with and at me, move on. I had several meals yesterday via Jesus and had fun the whole time. It's so... peaceful here. I don't hate you guys. I don't resent your issues. Hell, they define you. I just... It's refreshing to get a call from Alicia because her biggest problem right now is that she wants a ride to Wal-Mart. Oy ve! Can I start slamming my head on the desk now? I want to be fully concussed when Meagan starts shooting people.
Also, Nikki and Kaitlin use the same template for their blogs and it is confusing the fuck out of me. They have different writing styles and different issues and it's a bit odd to realize I've been reading the wrong blog. :) Emily Gilliam also uses that template but for some reason she doesn't figure into the confusion. I always know which is hers. Probably the less frequent updates.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Schedule This!
Bitches!
Thermodynamics - MWF 9:00-9:50
Calc IV - MTWHF 10:00-10:50
Organic Chemistry - MTWH 11:00-11:50
Biology - MWF 1:00-1:50
O-Chem Lab - TF 2:00-5:30
CME 210 - W 4:00-4:50
This is only important if you're actively hunting me down. What's important to you, I assume, is when I'm free. Hours in school:
Monday - 9:00-2:00
Tuesday - 10:00-5:30
Wednesday - 9:00-5:00
Thursday - 10:00-12:00
Friday - 9:00-5:30
Also, I believe Acoustic Brew is still every Thursday, so I'll be there checking out the free live music. You know, because that shit rocks.
Thermodynamics - MWF 9:00-9:50
Calc IV - MTWHF 10:00-10:50
Organic Chemistry - MTWH 11:00-11:50
Biology - MWF 1:00-1:50
O-Chem Lab - TF 2:00-5:30
CME 210 - W 4:00-4:50
This is only important if you're actively hunting me down. What's important to you, I assume, is when I'm free. Hours in school:
Monday - 9:00-2:00
Tuesday - 10:00-5:30
Wednesday - 9:00-5:00
Thursday - 10:00-12:00
Friday - 9:00-5:30
Also, I believe Acoustic Brew is still every Thursday, so I'll be there checking out the free live music. You know, because that shit rocks.
Average Joe
Got bored and started checking out statistics. I'm physically exactly average in every respect but weight, it turns out. I'm 50 lbs under the American average, which makes me healthy. Two inches above average height... Just thought that was neat.
Also, I've been invited to a Halloween party and may need help getting components for the costume. What I have now:
hat with pre-frayed brim
cargo shorts
Tag
backpack
polo shirt
Dave Matthews Band CD
What I have a month to acquire:
gamecube controller
Family Guy DVD
big black dildo.
If you can guess what I'm gonna be, you get a gold star. If you don't get it check out the video in the middle of my MySpace profile.
Also, I've been invited to a Halloween party and may need help getting components for the costume. What I have now:
hat with pre-frayed brim
cargo shorts
Tag
backpack
polo shirt
Dave Matthews Band CD
What I have a month to acquire:
gamecube controller
Family Guy DVD
big black dildo.
If you can guess what I'm gonna be, you get a gold star. If you don't get it check out the video in the middle of my MySpace profile.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Too Much Reading Material.
But you like reading material! I like updates on other blogs. I have things in common with my friends. It logically follows...
Rant!
So my mother keeps coming home and asking me if Kaitlin's okay. I read the girl's blog. Girl's blog says stay out of it. I then point out that I was given a direct order to stay out of it.
Watch this. I can do a trick!
This is me staying out of it.
Impressive, huh? I didn't think so, either. I'm all for cheering up friends who want to be cheered up. I like helping people who ask for help, or even people who don't. I'm not gonna push myself on people who ask to be left alone, though. Hope for the best, sure, but it's no concern of mine at that point. Some people say there's an obvious sign there. Somebody who says she doesn't want to be helped is really crying for help. Fuck them. I take blogs literally, though. Mine should also be taken literally unless I say I'm joking. I may be wrong, but sometimes I don't feel the need to be right. I'll be told when I'm needed. How hard is it to stay out of somebody's way when you're told to?
Rant over!
FoxyTunes isn't the soundtrack now, by the way. I'm back on XM. Right now: "Stiff Kittens" by Blaqk Audio on Ethel. [Looks up band.] I knew I recognized Davey Havok's voice. This has a neat 80's New Wave feel to it, though. I vastly prefer this to AFI.
Rant!
So my mother keeps coming home and asking me if Kaitlin's okay. I read the girl's blog. Girl's blog says stay out of it. I then point out that I was given a direct order to stay out of it.
Watch this. I can do a trick!
This is me staying out of it.
Impressive, huh? I didn't think so, either. I'm all for cheering up friends who want to be cheered up. I like helping people who ask for help, or even people who don't. I'm not gonna push myself on people who ask to be left alone, though. Hope for the best, sure, but it's no concern of mine at that point. Some people say there's an obvious sign there. Somebody who says she doesn't want to be helped is really crying for help. Fuck them. I take blogs literally, though. Mine should also be taken literally unless I say I'm joking. I may be wrong, but sometimes I don't feel the need to be right. I'll be told when I'm needed. How hard is it to stay out of somebody's way when you're told to?
Rant over!
FoxyTunes isn't the soundtrack now, by the way. I'm back on XM. Right now: "Stiff Kittens" by Blaqk Audio on Ethel. [Looks up band.] I knew I recognized Davey Havok's voice. This has a neat 80's New Wave feel to it, though. I vastly prefer this to AFI.
Drinking like this will kill me.
ZOMG three posts in a day!
And relax, people. It's sweet tea. I figured I'd advertise before the diabetic coma set in. Wilford Brimley would be proud. Anyway, I'm shamelessly plugging my sweet tea. If you'd like some, let me know. It's delicious!
I got mad skillz, jo.
While I'm shamelessly plugging my ability to make stuff, you should probably get in any requests for more roses while I'm in the mood to make them. I don't know how long that'll last once school starts.
Cavies with the bass cranked up is fucking sweet, by the way. I can feel it anywhere in the house. Try it sometime. Those of you who are capable will go straight to half mast.
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Now playing: 2002 - Frameworks - Madison, WS - Cavaliers
via FoxyTunes
And relax, people. It's sweet tea. I figured I'd advertise before the diabetic coma set in. Wilford Brimley would be proud. Anyway, I'm shamelessly plugging my sweet tea. If you'd like some, let me know. It's delicious!
I got mad skillz, jo.
While I'm shamelessly plugging my ability to make stuff, you should probably get in any requests for more roses while I'm in the mood to make them. I don't know how long that'll last once school starts.
Cavies with the bass cranked up is fucking sweet, by the way. I can feel it anywhere in the house. Try it sometime. Those of you who are capable will go straight to half mast.
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Now playing: 2002 - Frameworks - Madison, WS - Cavaliers
via FoxyTunes
Micro-Blog 19
I think maybe it has something to do with the fact that I am just not a jealous person.
The thought on my mind, by the way, is the discussions I occasionally have about how unimportant faithfulness in relationships is.
But I live that way. I just now connected that with the fact that I don't much care what people think about me. You guys say what you want behind my back. It won't hurt me. You're nice when you see me in person. You invite me into your lives and sometimes your homes and look excited when I mention shindigs. How you treat me to my face is all that matters. Some people spend a lot of time paranoid and wondering what people think of them. They'll freak out because they felt a connection and don't know if they should pursue it. I don't get it.
Ignore the emo music. It doesn't symbolize anything. I just had RealPlayer on shuffle and this song came up. I like this song. Convenient that it's this one, though. They keep saying "Don't you fake it!" and I can't help but agree.
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Now playing: In Fate's Hands - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
via FoxyTunes
The thought on my mind, by the way, is the discussions I occasionally have about how unimportant faithfulness in relationships is.
But I live that way. I just now connected that with the fact that I don't much care what people think about me. You guys say what you want behind my back. It won't hurt me. You're nice when you see me in person. You invite me into your lives and sometimes your homes and look excited when I mention shindigs. How you treat me to my face is all that matters. Some people spend a lot of time paranoid and wondering what people think of them. They'll freak out because they felt a connection and don't know if they should pursue it. I don't get it.
Ignore the emo music. It doesn't symbolize anything. I just had RealPlayer on shuffle and this song came up. I like this song. Convenient that it's this one, though. They keep saying "Don't you fake it!" and I can't help but agree.
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Now playing: In Fate's Hands - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
via FoxyTunes
Micro-Blog 18
So Amber read the last post and decided I needed a hug. While probably true, I don't know if that's such a good idea. It seems like every time I've gotten hugged lately it's been a direct result of me drinking, and does anyone really want me drinking?
Felt like making a joke. Don't give me that look.
I'll eat you!
And your babies!
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Now playing: I Won't Be Left - Tegan & Sara
via FoxyTunes
Felt like making a joke. Don't give me that look.
I'll eat you!
And your babies!
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Now playing: I Won't Be Left - Tegan & Sara
via FoxyTunes
The Song is So Appropriate
'Cause everybody's changing and I don't feel the same.
I had a good night. Cleaned up the basement today. Gotta clean it up again. Didn't get my hair cut. Went to NKU and watched Pirates. Even for a porno it was cheesy. My god. "Keep coming, ass pirates!" "I'm the best Piratunter in the world!" He said "pirate" funny.
The whole ride back to her house Kaitlin looked like she was about to cry.
After the porno Sarah up and vanished and then continued to text Meagan until after 4. The music was weirder faster and I think I got mindfucked by the visualizations.
It's after 4 and my brain is fried. Sleep can only help. I have two days left. The last two days of my last summer break ever. I die inside every time I think about it. Ha. As if I haven't felt dead for years...
Maybe if I try a little harder somebody will make sure I'm alive again. [starts singing the song chunk from the previous post] You know what that means, "'cause Lord knows..."
[shrug] I've been told I'm not very good at it but it doesn't really matter how bad you are at something you never do.
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Now playing: Everybody's Changing - Keane
via FoxyTunes
I had a good night. Cleaned up the basement today. Gotta clean it up again. Didn't get my hair cut. Went to NKU and watched Pirates. Even for a porno it was cheesy. My god. "Keep coming, ass pirates!" "I'm the best Piratunter in the world!" He said "pirate" funny.
The whole ride back to her house Kaitlin looked like she was about to cry.
After the porno Sarah up and vanished and then continued to text Meagan until after 4. The music was weirder faster and I think I got mindfucked by the visualizations.
It's after 4 and my brain is fried. Sleep can only help. I have two days left. The last two days of my last summer break ever. I die inside every time I think about it. Ha. As if I haven't felt dead for years...
Maybe if I try a little harder somebody will make sure I'm alive again. [starts singing the song chunk from the previous post] You know what that means, "'cause Lord knows..."
[shrug] I've been told I'm not very good at it but it doesn't really matter how bad you are at something you never do.
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Now playing: Everybody's Changing - Keane
via FoxyTunes
Sunday, September 16, 2007
I always liked this part.
It's a quote from the song you'll see below. It sums up how I've been feeling whenever I said I was lonely.
"Sometimes when sailors are sailing they
think twice about where they're anchoring and
I think I could make better use of my time on land.
I'd drink less 'cause Lord knows I could use a
warm kiss instead of a cold goodbye.
I'm writing the folks back home to tell them,
'Hey, I'm... I'm doing alright!'
Yeah, I'm doing just fine!
And if she seems as lonely as me let her sink."
Also, I just now realized that winning a competition for Beechwood now is nothing like it was when I was in. We won Grant County the Breakout year. People actually cried because they were so happy. That season went like that the whole time. We placed one better at each competition and after getting Reserve Grand Champion at Lloyd (the night when John punched Stephanie) I predicted Grant as a win. I just don't think it means the same to them now. I mean, do you realize there are now kids in the Beechwood band who have never come in below grand champion? I actually feel sorry for the rookies. I know what it's like to march with only 31 other people and not make finals. I think that's why I really, truly valued going to state finals and why I gave out hugs with tears in my eyes when we first won Midstates. None fell out, but it's been a while since I've been emotionally moved like that.
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Now playing: If Work Permits - The Format
via FoxyTunes
"Sometimes when sailors are sailing they
think twice about where they're anchoring and
I think I could make better use of my time on land.
I'd drink less 'cause Lord knows I could use a
warm kiss instead of a cold goodbye.
I'm writing the folks back home to tell them,
'Hey, I'm... I'm doing alright!'
Yeah, I'm doing just fine!
And if she seems as lonely as me let her sink."
Also, I just now realized that winning a competition for Beechwood now is nothing like it was when I was in. We won Grant County the Breakout year. People actually cried because they were so happy. That season went like that the whole time. We placed one better at each competition and after getting Reserve Grand Champion at Lloyd (the night when John punched Stephanie) I predicted Grant as a win. I just don't think it means the same to them now. I mean, do you realize there are now kids in the Beechwood band who have never come in below grand champion? I actually feel sorry for the rookies. I know what it's like to march with only 31 other people and not make finals. I think that's why I really, truly valued going to state finals and why I gave out hugs with tears in my eyes when we first won Midstates. None fell out, but it's been a while since I've been emotionally moved like that.
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Now playing: If Work Permits - The Format
via FoxyTunes
Micro-Blog 17
I have weird bruises from being violently hugged by Meagan and poked by Amber. Leave it to Brandon to provide the gentlest hug. :)I don't mind. If I wake up with weird bruises I take that as a sign I had a good night.
Got Kaitlin's hopes up about Across the Universe for nothing. That wasn't very nice of me. I didn't know, though, so I can still be blameless.
I'm glad Sarah is happy with the CD. I really like this band so it's good to have somebody else who likes them around here.
And now? I'm waiting to get the OK to have people over tonight and with any luck getting my hair cut. It's too damn long and I have a bad tendency to grow mullets rather than generic long hair. It looks terrible.
Don't know what's gonna happen tonight. I haven't thought anything out. I'd be rad if you came, though.
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Now playing: Snails - The Format
via FoxyTunes
Got Kaitlin's hopes up about Across the Universe for nothing. That wasn't very nice of me. I didn't know, though, so I can still be blameless.
I'm glad Sarah is happy with the CD. I really like this band so it's good to have somebody else who likes them around here.
And now? I'm waiting to get the OK to have people over tonight and with any luck getting my hair cut. It's too damn long and I have a bad tendency to grow mullets rather than generic long hair. It looks terrible.
Don't know what's gonna happen tonight. I haven't thought anything out. I'd be rad if you came, though.
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Now playing: Snails - The Format
via FoxyTunes
Because a Good Week Needs a Good End
Went to NKU tonight. Had a reasonable amount of vodka. Made duct tape roses whenever my fingers were nimble enough to fold petals. Honestly I'm still a little buzzed but I used cruise control and was so paranoid that I stayed dead center of the lane and drove perfectly. I don't drive that safely normally, but the tiniest amount of alcohol in my system gets me so paranoid about getting caught that I drive like I have a cop in the car with me. Hell, my lips are still numb and I owe Meagan and Sarah roses now. [shrug]
So I had fun with Nikki and Meagan. I think Brandon is ill and doing a shit-poor job of hiding it. Amber and I are really concerned.
Meagan decided that I needed a hug several times and Amber wouldn't stop poking me. To be fair, I started it every time but that doesn't change that fact that between the two of them I had more human contact than I have in weeks, months even. I'm happy about that. Amber got cold and I lent her my hoodie, so now the hoodie smells like her and my Black and Milds. I like it. Something comforting about another person's scent on your shirt. Creepy? Fuck yes. I don't really care.
As for Amber, that was the second time I've seen her and she's still really friendly. Doubts herself way too much, but I'll be damned if every last one of you readers doesn't do it. I'd like to get to know her better, honestly. The more friends I have the happier I am.
The Wood won Campbell Co. That's pretty damn tight. Between that and Kaitlin finding out that Across the Universe was at The Esquire, I imagine the girl had a really good day. I think she still broke down at the end of it. :(
Nothing I can do, though.
That's my update for tonight. It was, in fact, a great end to a great goddamn week.
So I had fun with Nikki and Meagan. I think Brandon is ill and doing a shit-poor job of hiding it. Amber and I are really concerned.
Meagan decided that I needed a hug several times and Amber wouldn't stop poking me. To be fair, I started it every time but that doesn't change that fact that between the two of them I had more human contact than I have in weeks, months even. I'm happy about that. Amber got cold and I lent her my hoodie, so now the hoodie smells like her and my Black and Milds. I like it. Something comforting about another person's scent on your shirt. Creepy? Fuck yes. I don't really care.
As for Amber, that was the second time I've seen her and she's still really friendly. Doubts herself way too much, but I'll be damned if every last one of you readers doesn't do it. I'd like to get to know her better, honestly. The more friends I have the happier I am.
The Wood won Campbell Co. That's pretty damn tight. Between that and Kaitlin finding out that Across the Universe was at The Esquire, I imagine the girl had a really good day. I think she still broke down at the end of it. :(
Nothing I can do, though.
That's my update for tonight. It was, in fact, a great end to a great goddamn week.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
I Predict...
Sometime in the near future I'm gonna run out to my car and say, "Hey you guys! Check this out!" and the put my key in the door and drop all 4 windows. I'll have that big child-in-toy store smile on my face, too. You know the one.
I like fixing my car and showing it off to people. :D
It was a pretty easy fix, too. Feel free to open that window when you're in the car.
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Now playing: Penny Lane - The Beatles
via FoxyTunes
I like fixing my car and showing it off to people. :D
It was a pretty easy fix, too. Feel free to open that window when you're in the car.
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Now playing: Penny Lane - The Beatles
via FoxyTunes
I made a separate post...
... because I needed to grab your attention.
I think Sunday calls for a mini-shindig of the sort we seem to have had recently. You cats should let me know on that one via blog or text or whatever the fuck method you want.
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Now playing: Dress Up In You - Belle & Sebastian
via FoxyTunes
I think Sunday calls for a mini-shindig of the sort we seem to have had recently. You cats should let me know on that one via blog or text or whatever the fuck method you want.
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Now playing: Dress Up In You - Belle & Sebastian
via FoxyTunes
Still Going Strong
And starting to feel alone.
Not that kind of alone, not the normal kind. Alone in the sense that I'm alone in felicity. I've just finished a job, school hasn't started yet, the last day was great, I'm listening to happy music... I simply don't have problems dragging me down yet like all my friends.
Kraut was ill and is still feeling like crap.
Nikki is okay and Mike is visiting, so I'm not quite alone.
Amber seems to be reflecting and not enjoying what she sees.
Kaitlin... People don't need that kind of pressure.
The Emilies are doing well with new relationships.
Meagan always appears seconds from falling apart.
Also, two bits about people: I met Jimmy and his wife Rachel last night. After two hours or so in their apartment I grabbed a dew from the fridge. In the fridge: Cadbury creme eggs, a bottle of Guinness, condiments, and Dew. The house is geek heaven. Jimmy is an extremely nice guy. I promptly scolded Nikki for not introducing me to him sooner. :)
Some of you are bound to meet the man in the near future. You will not be disappointed.
Meagan laments that my friends don't like her and most of my friends lament that she talks too much and ask why I don't find that annoying. I couldn't give them an answer before Thursday night. I was over at Norse Hall hanging out because she texted me and I didn't have a reason not to and when I walked out I realized why I was never bothered. It's because I tend to let people talk if they want to. Yes, the girl talks and at great length but has interesting stuff to say. I've been told before that I was good at listening or at least very convincing when I looked like I honestly cared (That's not an act, actually.). I told the occasional story or made offhand comments but mostly just let her talk and go through her music. God damn is it weird. Weird and fucking sweet.
So stop bitching, people. Sometimes you just have to shut the fuck up, forget about yourself, and let the ramblers talk. I do it when I can and I usually learn something nice.
Also, the reason the last day at work was so nice is the coworkers. Marco and I fucked off the whole day and found any excuse to go outside. About ten people actually hunted me down to tell me they were sorry to see me go. Throughout the job most of them asked questions and tried to get to know me. They're really just friendly people and I'm gonna miss that when I go back to UC. School is a much less caring environment than Gates was. That reminds me! Where are my beverages?
And once again I talk at great length about things, though some of them concern you this time. [shrug] You know you love me. :)
Oh, awesome quote from this song: "You were chained to a girl who would kill you with a look. (It's a nice way to die; she's so easy on the eyes!"
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Now playing: White Collar Boy - Belle & Sebastian
via FoxyTunes
Not that kind of alone, not the normal kind. Alone in the sense that I'm alone in felicity. I've just finished a job, school hasn't started yet, the last day was great, I'm listening to happy music... I simply don't have problems dragging me down yet like all my friends.
Kraut was ill and is still feeling like crap.
Nikki is okay and Mike is visiting, so I'm not quite alone.
Amber seems to be reflecting and not enjoying what she sees.
Kaitlin... People don't need that kind of pressure.
The Emilies are doing well with new relationships.
Meagan always appears seconds from falling apart.
Also, two bits about people: I met Jimmy and his wife Rachel last night. After two hours or so in their apartment I grabbed a dew from the fridge. In the fridge: Cadbury creme eggs, a bottle of Guinness, condiments, and Dew. The house is geek heaven. Jimmy is an extremely nice guy. I promptly scolded Nikki for not introducing me to him sooner. :)
Some of you are bound to meet the man in the near future. You will not be disappointed.
Meagan laments that my friends don't like her and most of my friends lament that she talks too much and ask why I don't find that annoying. I couldn't give them an answer before Thursday night. I was over at Norse Hall hanging out because she texted me and I didn't have a reason not to and when I walked out I realized why I was never bothered. It's because I tend to let people talk if they want to. Yes, the girl talks and at great length but has interesting stuff to say. I've been told before that I was good at listening or at least very convincing when I looked like I honestly cared (That's not an act, actually.). I told the occasional story or made offhand comments but mostly just let her talk and go through her music. God damn is it weird. Weird and fucking sweet.
So stop bitching, people. Sometimes you just have to shut the fuck up, forget about yourself, and let the ramblers talk. I do it when I can and I usually learn something nice.
Also, the reason the last day at work was so nice is the coworkers. Marco and I fucked off the whole day and found any excuse to go outside. About ten people actually hunted me down to tell me they were sorry to see me go. Throughout the job most of them asked questions and tried to get to know me. They're really just friendly people and I'm gonna miss that when I go back to UC. School is a much less caring environment than Gates was. That reminds me! Where are my beverages?
And once again I talk at great length about things, though some of them concern you this time. [shrug] You know you love me. :)
Oh, awesome quote from this song: "You were chained to a girl who would kill you with a look. (It's a nice way to die; she's so easy on the eyes!"
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Now playing: White Collar Boy - Belle & Sebastian
via FoxyTunes
Friday, September 14, 2007
Woo-fuckin'-hoo!
Last day of work. It's gonna be a good time. Hopefully I'll have some sweet shit to do with Nikki and/or Meagan after the shift. The original plan was to meet Jimmy, but Nikki doesn't know if that's gonna work.
My condolences to Nikki and Kaitlin. One lost a fish. One lost an adventure.
Beverages!
Peace out, motherfuckers!
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Now playing: Another Sunny Day - Belle & Sebastian
via FoxyTunes
My condolences to Nikki and Kaitlin. One lost a fish. One lost an adventure.
Beverages!
Peace out, motherfuckers!
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Now playing: Another Sunny Day - Belle & Sebastian
via FoxyTunes
Thursday, September 13, 2007
: D
I haven't been in a mood this good in a long time. I feel great! Who's with me?
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Now playing: If Work Permits - The Format
via FoxyTunes
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Now playing: If Work Permits - The Format
via FoxyTunes
Micro-Blog 17
I've already been invited to a few things by a few people. Nikki's friend Jimmy would apparently like to meet me on Friday. If it happens I'm all for it. I talked to him a little on IM and he seems like a genuinely nice guy. They're rare these days. Kaitlin invited me to something-or-other. I don't know what it is, but if she thinks it'll be good I figure I'll like it. She's one of the people I generally have entertainment sources in common with. It's also the end of my work with Gates unless Manpower sends me back over winter break. I'm training Marco in all the little details tomorrow and Friday. It should be fun. Marco is probably my future on the off chance I drop out of school. He rents an apartment with a friend and the friend's girlfriend, is permanently single, and spends whatever money he has left from his dead-end job here at Gates on low-level drugs like reefer or salvia and concert tickets. So if any of you were wondering what would happen if I dropped out, that's about it. We can only hope I do not. ^_^
Also, I want to go to Graeter's soon. Who's with me?
Also, I want to go to Graeter's soon. Who's with me?
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
L
That's a Latin 50, by the way. It's also my post count! w00t!
I, ladies and gentelman, am having an absolutely dandy week. It's the last week of work, I'm constantly being complimented on my performance, whatever illness has gone away, I'm playing 40K more often, my friends seem to be doing rather better... It's a good time to be alive, methinks. As for the friends, Brandon has had enough and thinks he'll try out being an asshole. Good for him. Welcome aboard, buddy. Kaitlin seems to be sleeping and feeling better, which is good. Nikki doesn't seem nearly as paranoid as she did last week. I think everybody's doing well and I'm swept up in it all.
I also finally took that black hoodie out of my car. Most of you know that scent is my sharpest sense, so it's always interesting. It hasn't been in the house since the day I went the Orange Cat sometime last year and Kaitlin borrowed it. It spent a long time at her house before ending up back in Angus. I then moved it over to the Jetta with all the other crap and Nikki used it one night recently. It was cold out after work tonight, so this is the first time I've worn it. Smells like two people, two cars, and a home. It's an interesting combination that conjures a few good memories.
By the way, Kaitlin, I think I still have your mom's gloves. :)
That's all for tonight, I guess. I'm happy, my friends are doing well, and my hoodie smells nice. Happy fiftieth post for me!
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Now playing: Journey From A To B - Badly Drawn Boy
via FoxyTunes
I, ladies and gentelman, am having an absolutely dandy week. It's the last week of work, I'm constantly being complimented on my performance, whatever illness has gone away, I'm playing 40K more often, my friends seem to be doing rather better... It's a good time to be alive, methinks. As for the friends, Brandon has had enough and thinks he'll try out being an asshole. Good for him. Welcome aboard, buddy. Kaitlin seems to be sleeping and feeling better, which is good. Nikki doesn't seem nearly as paranoid as she did last week. I think everybody's doing well and I'm swept up in it all.
I also finally took that black hoodie out of my car. Most of you know that scent is my sharpest sense, so it's always interesting. It hasn't been in the house since the day I went the Orange Cat sometime last year and Kaitlin borrowed it. It spent a long time at her house before ending up back in Angus. I then moved it over to the Jetta with all the other crap and Nikki used it one night recently. It was cold out after work tonight, so this is the first time I've worn it. Smells like two people, two cars, and a home. It's an interesting combination that conjures a few good memories.
By the way, Kaitlin, I think I still have your mom's gloves. :)
That's all for tonight, I guess. I'm happy, my friends are doing well, and my hoodie smells nice. Happy fiftieth post for me!
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Now playing: Journey From A To B - Badly Drawn Boy
via FoxyTunes
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Micro-Blog 16
People keep coming up to me at work and thanking me for doing my job so well. The monthly report marked me as a decent order filler, above average but with some errors. It also marked me as an outstanding janitor. Today some guy from the air-conditioned part of the building who probably makes 2-3 times my salary personally thanked me for doing such a good job. I appreciate it, I really do, but I don't understand. All I do is move cardboard, save good boxes for the small order goons, and take the trash out once daily. I don't even have time to sweep or clean out the ashtrays outside because I spend a lot of time texting and working slowly on purpose. All my coworkers tell me I look quite busy. I'm not even trying. It's not a hard job. I don't do much. How bad were the men before me? Is it really that difficult to follow orders? I mean, I work as slow as I can and dick around and get applause. What the fuck? The rest of my life should be so easy!
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Now playing: O Valencia! - The Decemberists
via FoxyTunes
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Now playing: O Valencia! - The Decemberists
via FoxyTunes
Monday, September 10, 2007
Micro-Blog 15
It's not that I don't have the random mood changes, it's that I can always see mine coming and therefore do something about it.
I post too often. Do I post too often? I'm up to something like fifty in maybe a month.
Their new album isn't half what this one is!
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Now playing: Believe Me Natalie - The Killers
via FoxyTunes
I post too often. Do I post too often? I'm up to something like fifty in maybe a month.
Their new album isn't half what this one is!
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Now playing: Believe Me Natalie - The Killers
via FoxyTunes
Micro-Blog 14
Last week of work, bitches! I've got a bowl of Froot Loops in my hand and a smile on my face. Who wants to get me a "Last week of work!" drink? Things I'd be really happy if you gave me:
Sam Adams
Killians
Guinness
Stewart's Grape
Ale-8-One
Jones Soda
Look, non-beer! Everybody can help!
Selfish? Yes! My blog? Also yes! Beverages!
Sam Adams
Killians
Guinness
Stewart's Grape
Ale-8-One
Jones Soda
Look, non-beer! Everybody can help!
Selfish? Yes! My blog? Also yes! Beverages!
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Micro-Blog 13
Listening to this album was probably a bad idea. Death Cab has a bad habit of bringing out whatever feelings are present at the time and when this started playing I was feeling a little alone. Now I'm feeling really alone and telling people over IM that I'm not and that I never feel this way. They both read this, too. What the fuck am I going for here, exactly? God damn, people, god damn.
Tomorrow is Free Hug Day, by the way. I was after a free hug and I know I'm not getting one tomorrow. How much does that suck?
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Now playing: Crooked Teeth - Death Cab For Cutie
via FoxyTunes
Tomorrow is Free Hug Day, by the way. I was after a free hug and I know I'm not getting one tomorrow. How much does that suck?
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Now playing: Crooked Teeth - Death Cab For Cutie
via FoxyTunes
I'm attacking the darkness!
Looks to me like Brandon and I will have to set up a bit of a D&D training camp.
Current potential DMs are Brandon and I, as well as the whole of the Columbus crew. Other experienced players: Joseph, Joey, Emily, and Ethan.
Recruits: Meagan, Nikki, Kaitlin, Bobby, Courtney
We'll have to find a day after band to do this, methinks. We'll be able to do two simple campaigns with Brandon and I as DM and the players separated into suitable groups. With me? Want to join the recruits? Talk amongst yourselves!
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Now playing: Get Up And Go - Damone
via FoxyTunes
Current potential DMs are Brandon and I, as well as the whole of the Columbus crew. Other experienced players: Joseph, Joey, Emily, and Ethan.
Recruits: Meagan, Nikki, Kaitlin, Bobby, Courtney
We'll have to find a day after band to do this, methinks. We'll be able to do two simple campaigns with Brandon and I as DM and the players separated into suitable groups. With me? Want to join the recruits? Talk amongst yourselves!
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Now playing: Get Up And Go - Damone
via FoxyTunes
Micro-Blog 12
Blood for the blood god!
In my basement playing 40K with the Joes and the German. We really need to get some younger people into this. It's a grand game. I will teach you to play.
Also, Meagan and Nikki want to learn D&D. Any other readers?
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Now playing: A Day In The Life - The Beatles
via FoxyTunes
In my basement playing 40K with the Joes and the German. We really need to get some younger people into this. It's a grand game. I will teach you to play.
Also, Meagan and Nikki want to learn D&D. Any other readers?
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Now playing: A Day In The Life - The Beatles
via FoxyTunes
Burn, Pillage, Rape!
Norse reference!
Went to NKU after the show last night. Hung out with Nikki, Meagan, and Meagan's crew for 4 hours and watched wasted Meagan bounce around the room. I also ran into Sarah Leidy. [shrug] Meagan's crew is actually pretty cool. They're really nice people.
Two funny moments: First, Meagan stumbled over to the bathroom and stared into the mirror for a few seconds. Then she just pitched over face first into the bathroom. A bit later one of her friends (I can't remember any of their names for the life of me. I don't know why, I had near nothing to drink.) convinced her to climb into Nikki's clothes hamper. She fit pretty well but couldn't get out and proceeded to roll around the room screaming expletives. Classic.
One weird bit: Somewhere in the scuffle the charm came off her necklace and Meagan just flipped out. Lost her shit and started bawling. Apparently something terrible happens every time she loses the charm. It was pretty awkward.
From your point of view it would likely have been boring but I'm entertained pretty easily and can stay in boring situations happily for a long time. On that note, that kid's flashing lighter was the coolest fire-making device evar.
Now that I know where they live I can actually accept more of their invitations, too. Woo!
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Now playing: Come On! Feel The Illinoise! - Sufjan Stevens
via FoxyTunes
Went to NKU after the show last night. Hung out with Nikki, Meagan, and Meagan's crew for 4 hours and watched wasted Meagan bounce around the room. I also ran into Sarah Leidy. [shrug] Meagan's crew is actually pretty cool. They're really nice people.
Two funny moments: First, Meagan stumbled over to the bathroom and stared into the mirror for a few seconds. Then she just pitched over face first into the bathroom. A bit later one of her friends (I can't remember any of their names for the life of me. I don't know why, I had near nothing to drink.) convinced her to climb into Nikki's clothes hamper. She fit pretty well but couldn't get out and proceeded to roll around the room screaming expletives. Classic.
One weird bit: Somewhere in the scuffle the charm came off her necklace and Meagan just flipped out. Lost her shit and started bawling. Apparently something terrible happens every time she loses the charm. It was pretty awkward.
From your point of view it would likely have been boring but I'm entertained pretty easily and can stay in boring situations happily for a long time. On that note, that kid's flashing lighter was the coolest fire-making device evar.
Now that I know where they live I can actually accept more of their invitations, too. Woo!
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Now playing: Come On! Feel The Illinoise! - Sufjan Stevens
via FoxyTunes
For Your Information
That last post was probably not a good idea. I'm not naturally stable, kids. I got this way through an experience more traumatic that you guys have had. A few of you (Nikki, Emily Wernet) know the story, but I think it's time I made it public.
It was one of my random trips. Me, three friends, and a beat-up Buick. The goal was always the same: go someplace, have fun, hook up, come home. I'm not gonna mention any names in case some of you know the kids because they told me to never talk about it unless they could stay anonymous. I'm gonna use a euphemism for the one kid who needs to be referred to, though.
Anyway, we were finishing up one such trip in Missouri and finished things off with a lot of cheap beer. Turns out one of us, we'll call him Jack, wasn't enjoying himself. At all. He came from a bad family and didn't like himself to begin with but we could always cheer him up. He was the only one who didn't get laid on this trip, though. Kid finally lost it the next morning. I was passed out in the back of the car under a girl named Sarah. Jack didn't know this and hopped in the car. He was fifteen and without a license (just a tad younger than me) and still wasted. We were in the middle of nowhere near the middle of the state and he decided to gun it. Went straight for a landmark he'd been staring at as we passed.
You know those big metal pylons electricity companies use for high-voltage, long-distance lines? That's what he was after. Drove right up to the base of one and scrambled out of the car. I was still hidden at this point, and had managed to keep Sarah quiet and find my pants. I followed the kid out of the car.
His plan: climb the tower. I wouldn't have any of it but he was halfway up and a lot more afraid of heights than I am now. All I could do was yell at him and try to get him off the tower before he hurt himself. That was, of course, the goal. The kid got near the top, shouted "Fuck you, guys! I'm fuckin' tired of it all!" and just dove off. Hit the hard Missouri dirt ten feet from me with a sound I don't want to hear again ever. The kid's head burst like an egg hit by a hammer. It was... fucked up. I remember pulling flakes of his skull out of my right shin with a pair of pliers.
It seriously fucked me up, too. The only way I could survive something like that was to crawl into a little shell and not come out until I had complete control over my thoughts and emotions. I had to be able to control everything by willpower alone because I don't think anything else would have worked. I just wouldn't be fit for society or something. My response was to harden myself to that shit, but you can't do it completely. You can't block out that kind of trauma. I can keep myself happy for almost everything, though. Natural deaths, even accidental death won't faze me much, but if I lose another friend to suicide I honestly don't know what I'm gonna do. I won't be remotely the same, though. That's why it freaks me out so much when I hear somebody I care about threaten it or actually give it a try. I'm not gonna lose somebody like that. Not again. So enough of that shit from you kids. I don't need that kind of stress. :)
Sorry, Amber. No happy ending here. I'm still comfortable talking about this if it means anything. The next post is all happy ending, though.
It was one of my random trips. Me, three friends, and a beat-up Buick. The goal was always the same: go someplace, have fun, hook up, come home. I'm not gonna mention any names in case some of you know the kids because they told me to never talk about it unless they could stay anonymous. I'm gonna use a euphemism for the one kid who needs to be referred to, though.
Anyway, we were finishing up one such trip in Missouri and finished things off with a lot of cheap beer. Turns out one of us, we'll call him Jack, wasn't enjoying himself. At all. He came from a bad family and didn't like himself to begin with but we could always cheer him up. He was the only one who didn't get laid on this trip, though. Kid finally lost it the next morning. I was passed out in the back of the car under a girl named Sarah. Jack didn't know this and hopped in the car. He was fifteen and without a license (just a tad younger than me) and still wasted. We were in the middle of nowhere near the middle of the state and he decided to gun it. Went straight for a landmark he'd been staring at as we passed.
You know those big metal pylons electricity companies use for high-voltage, long-distance lines? That's what he was after. Drove right up to the base of one and scrambled out of the car. I was still hidden at this point, and had managed to keep Sarah quiet and find my pants. I followed the kid out of the car.
His plan: climb the tower. I wouldn't have any of it but he was halfway up and a lot more afraid of heights than I am now. All I could do was yell at him and try to get him off the tower before he hurt himself. That was, of course, the goal. The kid got near the top, shouted "Fuck you, guys! I'm fuckin' tired of it all!" and just dove off. Hit the hard Missouri dirt ten feet from me with a sound I don't want to hear again ever. The kid's head burst like an egg hit by a hammer. It was... fucked up. I remember pulling flakes of his skull out of my right shin with a pair of pliers.
It seriously fucked me up, too. The only way I could survive something like that was to crawl into a little shell and not come out until I had complete control over my thoughts and emotions. I had to be able to control everything by willpower alone because I don't think anything else would have worked. I just wouldn't be fit for society or something. My response was to harden myself to that shit, but you can't do it completely. You can't block out that kind of trauma. I can keep myself happy for almost everything, though. Natural deaths, even accidental death won't faze me much, but if I lose another friend to suicide I honestly don't know what I'm gonna do. I won't be remotely the same, though. That's why it freaks me out so much when I hear somebody I care about threaten it or actually give it a try. I'm not gonna lose somebody like that. Not again. So enough of that shit from you kids. I don't need that kind of stress. :)
Sorry, Amber. No happy ending here. I'm still comfortable talking about this if it means anything. The next post is all happy ending, though.
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Micro-Blog 11
I just realized that most of my blog posts contain references to the fact that I'm more stable than a lot of you and generally enjoy life more. Does that bug anybody? It's my blog so I'm not gonna change anything, but I'm curious.
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Now playing: I've Seen All Good People - Yes
via FoxyTunes
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Now playing: I've Seen All Good People - Yes
via FoxyTunes
It Is a Good Day to Die
StarCraft Quote! I think Protoss Dragoons say that. Maybe the zealots.
Edit: Kraut tells me it's actually a Star Trek quote (Lt. Worf). Upon further research, this was stolen by Star Trek as well. It is famously attributed to an Indian chief at the start of the Battle for Little Bighorn.
Anyway, it would be. I'd die happy. Two major events today:
As I was hopping in my car to go to work some total stranger knocked on my window. He was lost and needed to call a friend. I lent him my phone because I'm a nice guy like that. Anyway, he happened to be going the same direction I was more or less so I ended up giving this guy a ride to the Crestview Hills Mall to catch his friends. I know what it's like to be stranded and this guy probably didn't deserve to walk to Crestview Hills when it looked like rain. Maybe nothing bad happens to me because I do shit like this to keep the good Karma going. :)
Work today was grand. I was completely numb and unable to think. All I had to go on was a good mood. Simple, happy emotion and thoughtless tasks made the day go fast. I drove home blasting Locksley and happy that the day had gone exactly right. Throat is still sore, but fuck it. It's a minor problem. I'd like a fat cigar and a cold Sam Adams. I think I'm gonna settle for a tall milkshake.
Peace out, motherfuckers!
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Now playing: Why Not Me - Locksley
via FoxyTunes
Edit: Kraut tells me it's actually a Star Trek quote (Lt. Worf). Upon further research, this was stolen by Star Trek as well. It is famously attributed to an Indian chief at the start of the Battle for Little Bighorn.
Anyway, it would be. I'd die happy. Two major events today:
As I was hopping in my car to go to work some total stranger knocked on my window. He was lost and needed to call a friend. I lent him my phone because I'm a nice guy like that. Anyway, he happened to be going the same direction I was more or less so I ended up giving this guy a ride to the Crestview Hills Mall to catch his friends. I know what it's like to be stranded and this guy probably didn't deserve to walk to Crestview Hills when it looked like rain. Maybe nothing bad happens to me because I do shit like this to keep the good Karma going. :)
Work today was grand. I was completely numb and unable to think. All I had to go on was a good mood. Simple, happy emotion and thoughtless tasks made the day go fast. I drove home blasting Locksley and happy that the day had gone exactly right. Throat is still sore, but fuck it. It's a minor problem. I'd like a fat cigar and a cold Sam Adams. I think I'm gonna settle for a tall milkshake.
Peace out, motherfuckers!
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Now playing: Why Not Me - Locksley
via FoxyTunes
Friday, September 07, 2007
Micro-Blog 10
I told Brenda that she only had me for another week. She wasn't happy about losing the two preceding janitors, but replacing a competent janitor would be a bit harder, or so she told me. That makes me happy.
I can't wait to be done, though. I'm gonna find a way to fill that weekend and check out the band's final run-through Thursday night. I'll see firsthand if a tradition has survived (Gentlemen! It's Thursday night!) and hope they're doing better after some time. I'll finally have time to hang out at NKU at some point. School will kill me, but I'll be way too busy living to notice.
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Now playing: Downtown - Tegan & Sara
via FoxyTunes
I can't wait to be done, though. I'm gonna find a way to fill that weekend and check out the band's final run-through Thursday night. I'll see firsthand if a tradition has survived (Gentlemen! It's Thursday night!) and hope they're doing better after some time. I'll finally have time to hang out at NKU at some point. School will kill me, but I'll be way too busy living to notice.
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Now playing: Downtown - Tegan & Sara
via FoxyTunes
I feel like a bastion.
A bastion of happiness being worn down by a sea of sad people.
Well, Emily Gilliam is happy tonight. She got shit-faced and started calling me at work. Haha. No harm no foul. I'll listen to your voicemails in the morning and probably laugh at both of them.
Why are people sad? Here's what I can put together:
Amber and Brandon are unhappy for the painfully obvious reason that it all went to shit long before either of them expected it to.
Meagan got dropped like a hot potato after getting back with Alex for a week or so.
Nikki has been ill for a week now and everyone is turning against her.
The various gods only know why Kaitlin is constantly unhappy.
As for me? A smile and a song are fighting for control of my lips. Right now they're sharing. ^_^
Also: :-C
It's a smiley with a handlebar mustache!
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Now playing: Digital Love - Daft Punk
via FoxyTunes
Well, Emily Gilliam is happy tonight. She got shit-faced and started calling me at work. Haha. No harm no foul. I'll listen to your voicemails in the morning and probably laugh at both of them.
Why are people sad? Here's what I can put together:
Amber and Brandon are unhappy for the painfully obvious reason that it all went to shit long before either of them expected it to.
Meagan got dropped like a hot potato after getting back with Alex for a week or so.
Nikki has been ill for a week now and everyone is turning against her.
The various gods only know why Kaitlin is constantly unhappy.
As for me? A smile and a song are fighting for control of my lips. Right now they're sharing. ^_^
Also: :-C
It's a smiley with a handlebar mustache!
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Now playing: Digital Love - Daft Punk
via FoxyTunes
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Micro-Blog 9
For those of you who read QC:
This QC, specifically.
How did Pintsize tape the rope to the ceiling in the first place?
Also, if any of you have the soundtracks to "A Beautiful Mind" or "Apollo 13," both by James Horner, I'd like to get my hands on them. I don't know anyone who has the first and so far as I know only Larson Gilmore has the second. If you come across one or the other let me know.
In other (bad) news: This article doesn't surprise me in the least. Also, the main reason so few are attributed to pills is the fact that on the off chance you don't throw them up immediately or ingest too few, it takes for-fucking-ever for them to off you. That's a lot of time to change your mind and get to a hospital. Other reasons for failure: kids are too stupid to aim the gun right or open enough of the circulatory system. Hanging, on the other hand, usually works out. It's rather difficult to fuck that one up. Sometimes the incompetence of our generation makes me happy.
In response to Nikki: Overdosing on Tylenol is damn near certain to not kill you. It takes three days. It shuts down your liver and, well, why am I telling you this? Read it here. Still not as bad as aspirin. That causes stomach ulcers. You internally bleed to death because your circulatory system is busy mingling with your body's reserves of hydrochloric acid. Excruciating death, that.
This QC, specifically.
How did Pintsize tape the rope to the ceiling in the first place?
Also, if any of you have the soundtracks to "A Beautiful Mind" or "Apollo 13," both by James Horner, I'd like to get my hands on them. I don't know anyone who has the first and so far as I know only Larson Gilmore has the second. If you come across one or the other let me know.
In other (bad) news: This article doesn't surprise me in the least. Also, the main reason so few are attributed to pills is the fact that on the off chance you don't throw them up immediately or ingest too few, it takes for-fucking-ever for them to off you. That's a lot of time to change your mind and get to a hospital. Other reasons for failure: kids are too stupid to aim the gun right or open enough of the circulatory system. Hanging, on the other hand, usually works out. It's rather difficult to fuck that one up. Sometimes the incompetence of our generation makes me happy.
In response to Nikki: Overdosing on Tylenol is damn near certain to not kill you. It takes three days. It shuts down your liver and, well, why am I telling you this? Read it here. Still not as bad as aspirin. That causes stomach ulcers. You internally bleed to death because your circulatory system is busy mingling with your body's reserves of hydrochloric acid. Excruciating death, that.
Micro-Blog 8
I'm still a bit under the weather, but love is in the air!
Okay, I'll admit it. Even I can't read that with a straight face. 7 days left at Gates! Preview show Saturday! Crystal's cookout also Saturday! It isn't love, but I'm feeling something good.
And as I look into your frowning and tear-streaked faces, I smile and think to myself, "Cheer up, kiddo. It's a grand time to be alive!"
----------------
Now playing: Over My Head (Cable Car) - The Fray
via FoxyTunes
Okay, I'll admit it. Even I can't read that with a straight face. 7 days left at Gates! Preview show Saturday! Crystal's cookout also Saturday! It isn't love, but I'm feeling something good.
And as I look into your frowning and tear-streaked faces, I smile and think to myself, "Cheer up, kiddo. It's a grand time to be alive!"
----------------
Now playing: Over My Head (Cable Car) - The Fray
via FoxyTunes
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Micro-Blog 7
I'm feeling so much better than I was yesterday. I feel like dancing the night away.
Haha
I'm such a dork.
Mother of god, girl, what have you done?
I'll be at work an extra 2 hours tonight. Mandatory overtime can be a bitch sometimes. Since we didn't work Monday I don't get time and a half unless I do more than 8 hours of overtime. The 4 hour minimum is my goal.
This song is awesome! The band that plays it is equally awesome. Check them out.
----------------
Now playing: The Compromise - The Format
via FoxyTunes
Haha
I'm such a dork.
Mother of god, girl, what have you done?
I'll be at work an extra 2 hours tonight. Mandatory overtime can be a bitch sometimes. Since we didn't work Monday I don't get time and a half unless I do more than 8 hours of overtime. The 4 hour minimum is my goal.
This song is awesome! The band that plays it is equally awesome. Check them out.
----------------
Now playing: The Compromise - The Format
via FoxyTunes
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Ugh
Some kind of fever. Phlegm everywhere. Headaches. Fatigue...
I feel like shit. I'm doomed to go into work anyway. God damn it all. I don't even see where it came from. I've been avoiding human contact for a week or so. Ugh.
Cameron needs a hug.
I might have to smash my dog. I'm tired of stepping in shit inside my own fucking house. I'm fucking tired of it all.
The good news is that I'll have an episode of "The Universe" waiting for me when I get home. It'll be a grand episode. Kaitlin and I are excited, no? You should totally watch it.
History Channel, 9 PM. Don't tell me about it! I don't get to watch it until I get home from work at around midnight.
----------------
Now playing: Sometimes The Sun - The Lashes
via FoxyTunes
I feel like shit. I'm doomed to go into work anyway. God damn it all. I don't even see where it came from. I've been avoiding human contact for a week or so. Ugh.
Cameron needs a hug.
I might have to smash my dog. I'm tired of stepping in shit inside my own fucking house. I'm fucking tired of it all.
The good news is that I'll have an episode of "The Universe" waiting for me when I get home. It'll be a grand episode. Kaitlin and I are excited, no? You should totally watch it.
History Channel, 9 PM. Don't tell me about it! I don't get to watch it until I get home from work at around midnight.
----------------
Now playing: Sometimes The Sun - The Lashes
via FoxyTunes
Monday, September 03, 2007
A discussion of the last post's comments:
If you comment on my comments we'll have an interesting set of meta-comments, I guess.
Emily would like to point out that she's a good friend and will stick with you regardless of how much shit hits the fan. I can really appreciate that plan because that's the goal I make myself. It's good to know some of my friends share my goals and understand how it should be.
Brandon has, in fact, put up with my constant abuse for ten years and has done so without breaking until it seems like everyone joined in. The kid is tougher than we give him credit for and seems to be doing well at least right now. That's one of the things keeping me happy.
Nikki once again fails to give herself any credit. The girl is a bitch, sure, but she's a lot nicer than she gives herself credit for. In addition, Nikki is generally willing to try anything out at least once and will generally hand out straight answers to genuine questions. She also seems to be frequently available or at least makes time for people and often does some pretty unique stuff. That "I can't see why anyone would hang out with me" stuff won't work here, hon. If I felt that way I wouldn't let you mess with my life.
Others will follow!
Also, FireFox has an app that lets me control my music from the web browser. It's called FoxyTunes. It allows me to post my current song in most web-based text boxes, so I'll start appending these to each post.
----------------
Now playing: Judy Is A Dick Slap - Belle & Sebastian
via FoxyTunes
Emily would like to point out that she's a good friend and will stick with you regardless of how much shit hits the fan. I can really appreciate that plan because that's the goal I make myself. It's good to know some of my friends share my goals and understand how it should be.
Brandon has, in fact, put up with my constant abuse for ten years and has done so without breaking until it seems like everyone joined in. The kid is tougher than we give him credit for and seems to be doing well at least right now. That's one of the things keeping me happy.
Nikki once again fails to give herself any credit. The girl is a bitch, sure, but she's a lot nicer than she gives herself credit for. In addition, Nikki is generally willing to try anything out at least once and will generally hand out straight answers to genuine questions. She also seems to be frequently available or at least makes time for people and often does some pretty unique stuff. That "I can't see why anyone would hang out with me" stuff won't work here, hon. If I felt that way I wouldn't let you mess with my life.
Others will follow!
Also, FireFox has an app that lets me control my music from the web browser. It's called FoxyTunes. It allows me to post my current song in most web-based text boxes, so I'll start appending these to each post.
----------------
Now playing: Judy Is A Dick Slap - Belle & Sebastian
via FoxyTunes
Minidiggers unite!
Micro-shindig at my place tonight. Show up around eight and we'll hang out, watch a movie, and let the good times roll.
In other news, failures! All of you! Miserable shmucks and comatose bastards!
I don't know what I'm ranting about, aside from you creatures, but I'm ranting nonetheless. It's bloody amazing that the species accomplishes anything if you're the ones good enough for me to associate with and you manage so little!
I hate everyone. Misanthropy is at an all time high. I feel the need to stab one of you. All of you. And I'd look you in the eye and smile while I did it.
Don't touch me. For the time being I'm reverting to my old self. I don't want to be touched. I'll let you know when I change my mind. >:(
You should still come to the movie thing, since having you 1-20 feet away makes me happy.
Also, I often request participation from my audience. In a move fitting the theme, you should explain to me what you think is your best quality. To put it best,
I hate you all. Why is that a bad idea?
I'd like to thank Emily for being the first with an answer.
In other news, failures! All of you! Miserable shmucks and comatose bastards!
I don't know what I'm ranting about, aside from you creatures, but I'm ranting nonetheless. It's bloody amazing that the species accomplishes anything if you're the ones good enough for me to associate with and you manage so little!
I hate everyone. Misanthropy is at an all time high. I feel the need to stab one of you. All of you. And I'd look you in the eye and smile while I did it.
Don't touch me. For the time being I'm reverting to my old self. I don't want to be touched. I'll let you know when I change my mind. >:(
You should still come to the movie thing, since having you 1-20 feet away makes me happy.
Also, I often request participation from my audience. In a move fitting the theme, you should explain to me what you think is your best quality. To put it best,
I hate you all. Why is that a bad idea?
I'd like to thank Emily for being the first with an answer.
Micro-Blog 6
Interesting funk I was in last night. Maybe a little bit of shin and a suitable quantity of dig will patch that up. I want to punch lots of things and play paintball and convert all my useful energy into violence.
Sometimes my blood sings with the desire for violence. I like this feeling because it more than anything reminds me that I'm still alive. It isn't too often that I can put it to use, though. It drives me to hound you for a game of paintball.
Death or glory!
Go read my latest posted item on Facebook. It's a link to today's Comet7. That's how I feel all the time.
----------------
Now playing: The Wrong Girl - Belle & Sebastian
via FoxyTunes
Sometimes my blood sings with the desire for violence. I like this feeling because it more than anything reminds me that I'm still alive. It isn't too often that I can put it to use, though. It drives me to hound you for a game of paintball.
Death or glory!
Go read my latest posted item on Facebook. It's a link to today's Comet7. That's how I feel all the time.
----------------
Now playing: The Wrong Girl - Belle & Sebastian
via FoxyTunes
Micro-Blog 5
I've never felt more alive
but I've never been so convinced I'm half dead.
I can't say why, but I feel hollow. I don't like it at all.
but I've never been so convinced I'm half dead.
I can't say why, but I feel hollow. I don't like it at all.
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Explosives Rock!
Pre-firework: I'm just waiting for people to show up. I had planned to leave around four but several complications made that impossible. New plan: Grab Kaitlin from work, load up the cars, get the fuck out of here. I figure I'll ignore my previous plan to not smoke until school starts and more or less chain smoke black and milds.
Post-firework: The fireworks were absolutely astounding as I expected them to be. They really do get better every year. The post-explosion adventure, on the other hand, is a story in and of itself. It was an uneventful trek to the fireworks from the base of the purple people bridge, and a mostly uneventful trip to the cars from there. Now the interesting part comes from the strange connection that seems to have developed between Kaitlin and Joey. He insisted that she ride shotgun and, thinking nothing could go wrong, I assigned Alicia to the back seat and took the two friendly lovebirds, Nikki and Plate, in my car. Now, you can imagine the time it took to get half a mile in that traffic, but once we were on the Fifth Street on-ramp by the Radisson it was rather straightforward. For me. Joey was in front somehow and went straight instead of hooking left onto the highway. This, of course, leads to Bromley.
My inside "man," Alicia, tells me he didn't bother to turn around and instead I called to see what was up five minutes after I, Michael, and Nikki had arrived at my house. They had gone straight and didn't know what compass direction they were headed in. Now, Nikki and Mike both know their way around Northern Kentucky at least in part, so original plan to put them in Joey's car seemed proper. He overrode it with a series of guttural commands and I assumed that the man could drive three miles without error. I was not correct in that assessment. They were lost and had an Ohioan, a girl without a license, and Joey's residence in Independence to guide them home. They resorted to calling the elder Kunzleman.
When they arrived at my home I told Alicia, almost in tears, that she was from Ohio and exempt from my statements. She is currently in the basement suffering from some massive blisters and checking her email.
Kaitlin felt the need to pummel me. Had she been capable of any damage I'd have started putting people in their places, but I prefer a fair fight. The girl would do well to avoid hitting me when I'm both angry and right.
Joey seems to have realized the error of his ways and rightfully so. Any attempts to defend himself were quickly shouted down.
In all, it was a wonderful experience, and only slightly marred by what appeared to be no more than some sort of reject puppy love. I'm so happy to have passed the stage where I thought I could command those above me. Knowing one's place is a valuable quality.
I'm feeling strange at the moment, too. I can practically feel the testosterone coursing through my my organs and with it adrenaline. I'm angry. Anger, as you well know, is permanently connected to happiness through some strange glitch in my subconscious. I'm pissed but jovial. What I really want is a battle. I want to fight something. Kill! Kill!
Post-firework: The fireworks were absolutely astounding as I expected them to be. They really do get better every year. The post-explosion adventure, on the other hand, is a story in and of itself. It was an uneventful trek to the fireworks from the base of the purple people bridge, and a mostly uneventful trip to the cars from there. Now the interesting part comes from the strange connection that seems to have developed between Kaitlin and Joey. He insisted that she ride shotgun and, thinking nothing could go wrong, I assigned Alicia to the back seat and took the two friendly lovebirds, Nikki and Plate, in my car. Now, you can imagine the time it took to get half a mile in that traffic, but once we were on the Fifth Street on-ramp by the Radisson it was rather straightforward. For me. Joey was in front somehow and went straight instead of hooking left onto the highway. This, of course, leads to Bromley.
My inside "man," Alicia, tells me he didn't bother to turn around and instead I called to see what was up five minutes after I, Michael, and Nikki had arrived at my house. They had gone straight and didn't know what compass direction they were headed in. Now, Nikki and Mike both know their way around Northern Kentucky at least in part, so original plan to put them in Joey's car seemed proper. He overrode it with a series of guttural commands and I assumed that the man could drive three miles without error. I was not correct in that assessment. They were lost and had an Ohioan, a girl without a license, and Joey's residence in Independence to guide them home. They resorted to calling the elder Kunzleman.
When they arrived at my home I told Alicia, almost in tears, that she was from Ohio and exempt from my statements. She is currently in the basement suffering from some massive blisters and checking her email.
Kaitlin felt the need to pummel me. Had she been capable of any damage I'd have started putting people in their places, but I prefer a fair fight. The girl would do well to avoid hitting me when I'm both angry and right.
Joey seems to have realized the error of his ways and rightfully so. Any attempts to defend himself were quickly shouted down.
In all, it was a wonderful experience, and only slightly marred by what appeared to be no more than some sort of reject puppy love. I'm so happy to have passed the stage where I thought I could command those above me. Knowing one's place is a valuable quality.
I'm feeling strange at the moment, too. I can practically feel the testosterone coursing through my my organs and with it adrenaline. I'm angry. Anger, as you well know, is permanently connected to happiness through some strange glitch in my subconscious. I'm pissed but jovial. What I really want is a battle. I want to fight something. Kill! Kill!
Saturday, September 01, 2007
It's a beautiful day...
And my good mood blew in with the weather.
And to set the mood: U2 - "Beautiful Day"
Really neat video. Since early Friday I've just been in a wonderful mood. The weather is perfect. Kaitlin and Brandon seem to be out of their respective funks, I've got a great weekend ahead... I seriously doubt anything can really spoil this.
My weekend:
40K tonight
Bugging Kaitlin at work/WEBN fireworks Sunday
D&D or a mini-shindig Monday
If you have any U2, I want it.
Woo! Get some!
And to set the mood: U2 - "Beautiful Day"
Really neat video. Since early Friday I've just been in a wonderful mood. The weather is perfect. Kaitlin and Brandon seem to be out of their respective funks, I've got a great weekend ahead... I seriously doubt anything can really spoil this.
My weekend:
40K tonight
Bugging Kaitlin at work/WEBN fireworks Sunday
D&D or a mini-shindig Monday
If you have any U2, I want it.
Woo! Get some!
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