Procrastination Raised to an Art

I always figured hope would go out with a bang, but as I sit here in the lounge I find that hope is sneaky. It's cowardly. It sneaks out the back and tries to cross the border before it's missed. I think I'm gonna let it go.

I've not accomplished one of my academic goals since I sent my application to UC. My GPA is shot, I'm out of honors, my scholarships left with the good grades... I'm not even certain I'm going to coop in spring. The one thing I've been waiting to do for two long years is likely outside my grasp. I talked to advisers and they give me nothing I can use. Here's how it stands: I've dropped calculus because I was going to fail it. I might fail organic chemistry. I probably will fail thermodynamics. I'll probably scrape by in biology. I think I can pull a B or perhaps a C in organic lab. After this quarter I'll damn near certainly be called on by the academic standards committee. They'll give me two quarters to pull my grades up before they dismiss me, but I think it's a waste. I've got the will to control my emotions but I can't make myself do homework to save my life.

No, really. If you held a gun to my head and told me to do my calculus homework, I'd lay back and hope it was pretty when you painted the wall with my brains. I can't stand this shit. It's not surprising, though. I have no great passion in life. I picked engineering because it looked cool. I chose materials on a whim. Even if I wanted to change majors I doubt I'd do better because I fail classes I don't care for. Every one of my classes is a waste of my time now because I don't give a damn and I can't make myself do the work. Unfortunately, nobody offers a degree in "look up random shit," "go to concerts," or "road trips and shindigs."

If you asked around Beechwood two years ago nobody would have picked me as likely to flunk out of college. Funny how things change. What ever happened to the days when a man could make a living by traveling the country and picking up a few days of work when he could? I've got the aspirations of a hobo and none of the opportunities.