Fuck Christmas. I'll have my own place next year. You guys wanna come over and celebrate Festivus on the 25th? I think this is the last time I'm celebrating this holiday. The old traditions are of a faith I hate and the new traditions are the evil side of an economic system I love.
Things that make Festivus better than Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/whatever:
-No presents. Instead you make a donation to a local charity in someone's name.
-No messy decorations. The aluminum Festivus pole is simple and has a high strength-to-weight ratio.
-The Airing of Grievances. No being nice. If you have a problem with somebody, you're expected to tell them so you can reach a peaceful resolution.
-Feats of Strength. The party doesn't end until someone wrestles the host to the ground. It's fun and promotes exercise and healthy competition.
Hell with Christmas. I choose a Festivus for the rest of us!
Yes, yes, and yes.
ReplyDeleteI am totally up for Festivus next year.