Work Again

I've been meaning to post a job blog for a few days now. Took a while to get to it.

In essence, it's similar to Gates. I scan items, put them in boxes, and send them off. SKF has a few key differences, though. I'm on foot, for one. I push a cart and put things into boxes that are at the absolute maximum four cubic feet in volume, compared to the massive repacks at Gates. In addition, this is all bearings and seals. An average full box is a foot on each side and seventy pounds and goes onto a conveyor belt that runs through the warehouse to the shipping dock. My hours are 7-3:30 and I'm barred from cell use outside of breaks. Texts you send will be answered eventually, but I don't anticipate getting many because most of you are at school or sleeping during the majority of my shift.
----------------
Now playing: The Hush Sound - We Intertwined
via FoxyTunes

Got the job, the hot car, the swank threads, the rocking social life... I feel like I'm missing something. What am I missing?

Also, when I move out I'm totally getting a cat.
----------------
Now playing: Coldplay - Green Eyes
via FoxyTunes

Shindig 01

First of the year was awesome. Had a nice fire and a few beers. Started shit off with primo smoked pork. Even the cleanup was about as simple as it gets.

I had fun; we should do it again sometime.

First of the Year

Meat's in the smoker. Like, fifteen pounds of it. Got some other stuff. I have no idea what vegetarians eat.

I'm not kidding. I don't understand.

Patio's done. Fire pit's ready. It's shindig time.

Kaitlin's a smad off.

Response to her post:

I don't actually IM people very frequently. I respond to their IMs. I therefore only hang out with people who talk to me about it. I chill with Meagan and Julie because they told me to. I chill with Jimmy because he IMs me frequently. Brandon regularly texts or IMs. So does Alicia. The people I don't see often - you, Nikki, Dora, Gabe - never IM or text me. I see you when someone else calls a social event and I either attend or host. When we hung out it was because you notified me of events or it was shindig season and we ran into each other often. I don't ditch people, but I also don't contact people of my own volition. If I wasn't told to host shindigs or called and asked to hang out, I'd leave the house about monthly. Don't give me this ditch bullshit. You know damn well I was never there in the first place except on request.

I do not live. I let life happen.

That's central to my existence. It's how I operate. How I like to operate. It works for me. Sure, people have been left behind, but they're left behind because I keep walking oblivious to the fact that they're no longer walking with me. It's an arrogant way to live, I guess, but it has yet to fail me. If you feel you've been ditched, find something for us to do. That's all there is to it.

Also, I really don't believe that's why I'm detached. If anything it should keep me connected because it means that to build a social life at all I have to cultivate friends willing to call on me with some frequency. Alone except by invitation may seem like an easy answer, but it's a symptom and not a cause. I was detached before. This way of functioning is a result of not trying to reconnect.

Micro-Blog 35

Life is a series of ten-minute conversations and I'm feeling more detached than ever. I can fake being connected all I want and make this the only evidence. I feel entirely isolated from the rest of the species and I haven't got the faintest clue what to do about it.
----------------
Now playing: Anna Nalick - Breathe (2 AM)
via FoxyTunes

I Concede to Biology

The second piercing officially rejected. I kept it in and clean for more than three months and it never healed. I finally pulled the stud out with the intent to put in a slightly larger ring, but the flesh was rather thicker than it should be and I didn't get it through.. I may have a cyst instead, which is relatively cheap and simple to have cut out. I left the stud out to let the failed piercing heal. If this clears up on its own and turns out not to be a cyst, I'll start on Plan B: gauge the single piercing to around a zero. When I can afford it I'm still going for the Industrial.

[shrug] You win some, you lose some.
----------------
Now playing: The Orange Lights - Click Your Heels
via FoxyTunes

Reading and Watching

Just saw "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." It's actually really funny. You should go see it if possible.

Been reading, too. Finished "Superman: Red Son" by Mark Millar yesterday. The premise is that Kal-El crashes on a farming collective in Soviet Ukraine instead of Smallville, Kansas and grows up to be the hero of the Warsaw Pact. It's really interesting. I also started Alan Moore's infamous "Watchmen" series. It's a landmark work and something I've been after for quite some time. I'm only three chapters in but I'm happy with what I see.
----------------
Now playing: Ben Folds - The Ascent of Stan
via FoxyTunes

Like Willy

I'm finally fucking free! Six weeks in that goddamn thing was too fucking long! I've got some weird tan lines and a big lump in my hand, but those will go away. Also, the skin is really sensitive to touch after having contact with nothing but cast lining for several months and having half a millimeter of dead flesh scrubbed off. My grip is pretty weak, too.
I can't wait to sleep tonight. I usually sleep face-down with my arms crossed under me and I haven't been able to do it with the cast on.
----------------
Now playing: Death Cab For Cutie - The New Year
via FoxyTunes

Generic Update Post

I try to blog more, but I never have much to say these days.

Party at Jimmy's was nice. Had some fun, battled some critters, drank nice brandy. I'm playing D&D there tomorrow.

Also tomorrow: The cast comes off. Fucking finally! I've gone too long without my wrist. I'm gonna take a shower just to wash my arm.

Whatever good mood I was in for a while is gone. Now I have quite literally no mood. Nada. Just numbness. Oy ve!

If anyone knows where I can get a cheap peaked cap that'd fit me, I'd like that information ASAP. I'm thinking Soviet if possible. The cap would go well with my trench.
----------------
Now playing: Editors - Bullets
via FoxyTunes

Rough and Muddy

We're finally done with the yard. The grass is planted, the ground is tilled and flattened, the patio is clean and furnished. All we need now is a fire pit, some wood, and a free weekend. I might post some pictures if I'm not too lazy to take them.
----------------
Now playing: The Format - Pick Me Up
via FoxyTunes

Ah, what the fuck...

On second though, maybe I will follow the trend. I'll keep them short and to the point. Five notes, five people. I'll strip the anonymity on request.

Dear _______,
I can't decide if I love you or hate you and it often changes every time we meet.

Dear ____,
Vanishing on me like that has me fairly convinced that I was just being used, and nobody uses me without my consent. I really hope you prove otherwise.

Dear ______,
You're one of the few with consent to use me and you've taken full advantage. I'm happy to see you happy. Let's hope the mood sticks around.

Dear ______,
Despite being one of my best friends, you're still a connection to a life and a place I'm desperately trying to escape. I'm gonna find out how to fix this if I can. I refuse to cut myself off from anyone unless I have a damn good reason.

Dear _____,
I'll never be able to thank you enough for what you've inadvertently done to my life. Rediscovering you turned out to be the best thing that's ever happened to me because it led to a chain-reaction that remodeled everything I thought the future might be.
----------------
Now playing: Against Me! - New Wave
via FoxyTunes

Survival Instinct

I sometimes find myself talking to a friend who has decided to die. It's not the same friend every time and it isn't necessarily for the same reasons, but my response is always the same. I try logic. It doesn't work. I try examples, but for those to be effective I have to know the friend as well as I know myself, which isn't physically possible. I never really know what to say and never succeed in winning them over to the side of life. I've never seriously considered suicide, honestly. Not once. No matter how bad I might imagine things are for me, it never crosses my mind as a viable option. If I'm gonna die, I'll expend myself in a mad attempt to live. Maybe that's the problem. To pull someone out of that funk you have to have been there yourself. I can't see through the self-esteem issues or the need for oblivion because they're fundamentally alien concepts to me. In this one situation my love of life may be crippling and I don't know what to do about it.
----------------
Now playing: Jack's Mannequin - Dark Blue
via FoxyTunes

Landscaping Woes

My original plan was to open the shindig season next weekend, but that is not to be. This coming week is the annual Beechwood Band mulch sale. While I may not bet personally involved due to the broken hand, (I'll still try; I like the exercise.) my parents and brother most certainly will be. Nobody will be in the house. Also, it might be good to give the grass a week or two to start growing. The majority of the yard is dirt at the moment. Maybe the weekend after will work, but the nineteenth and twentieth are out of the question. Figured you cats might like to know.
----------------
Now playing: Editors - Fingers In The Factories
via FoxyTunes

A Call for Aid

So we're landscaping around the new patio tomorrow and it'd be fantastic if some of you future patio users could give us a hand. If you'd like to help, drop by anytime tomorrow. Prepare to end up filthy; we have a few hundred pounds of dirt to move.
----------------
Now playing: All The Day Holiday - Atmosphere
via FoxyTunes

So that's what it feels like...

Something about extreme stress shared with somebody else produces a bond you usually only see within families. I'm not sure entirely how it works, but I hope this one stays around for a few decades. I've become terribly fond of the kid and not in a way that will ever make things awkward.
----------------
Now playing: Teddybears - Punkrocker (ft. Iggy Pop)
via FoxyTunes

An End to Drowsiness

I've been really tired and beat-down lately. Maybe it was all the stress or how I've been mistreating my body with too little sleep and bad diet or maybe it's a combination of those and something I've yet to think of. Well, that seems to have changed. I got a solid eleven hours of sleep and when I woke up a cool breeze was drifting through the open window. I had no desire to hit snooze for once and I opened my phone to find a complimentary message from a good friend. I'll always be amazed by the restorative powers of enough sleep on a beautiful day.
----------------
Now playing: Ben Folds - Losing Lisa
via FoxyTunes

Readers! I need input!

I've been reading several blogs now for a few months and while I picked up some new readers, it never occurred to me that they'd also have the damn things. I then saw Jimmy glancing through several I recognized but haven't the links to, so I humbly request that you provide if you haven't already. :-D
----------------
Now playing: Kate Nash - Merry Happy
via FoxyTunes

Short, Sweet, and To the Point

I often wonder how I ever let myself get so attached.
----------------
Now playing: The Killers - Read My Mind
via FoxyTunes

Metamorphose

I'm feeling rather better now. A good night with the crew followed by a good night with the other crew and some wargames will do that. Still way tired, but that'll take a few days to clear up. Nights like Thursday make everyone question why I'm so diehard in sticking by Meagan. The nights without alcohol remind me. They're utterly different and super chill. Those nights are always worth fighting for.

I dunno who of you has broken a bone before, but the bone forms a callus around the break as it heals, so my hand now has a colossal lump in the middle of it. I'll probably show it to you if I haven't already. I want to see it with the cast off.

On a second note, more unrelated than the first, my parents just put six grand into basically paving the back yard. When the patio is done and furnished, I'm holding an inaugural shindig to celebrate. It'll be totally swank. Sometime after that will be the long-awaited Shindig goes to Prom. w00t!
----------------
Now playing: Death Cab For Cutie - The Sound Of Settling
via FoxyTunes

Talk About Bloody Stress

That was very nearly the worst light of my life.
Maybe it's because when I was saving a life it felt so much like delaying the inevitable.
Maybe it's because I know the simple tiny action that could have prevented it all and I didn't take it.
I'm traumatized. I really am. I'm done risking myself physically, financially, emotionally for people who can't make it worth what I put in. Why the fuck am I trying so hard to save you when you aren't willing to save yourself?

Kid, I love you like family, but we're gonna have a long talk about what just happened. I'm not gonna be your safety net anymore. Please, more than anything in the world, I'd like you to never put me through that again.

I'm done playing everyone's hero. I'm not sure people realize that sooner or later I'm gonna break like any one of them. I was described by Jordan as the perfect guy tonight. I'm the guy who anyone can call for anything and get a hand. I'm taking a break. It's about time I shored up my own loose ends before I end up ruined in more ways than I am already. I've got my health right now but I'm dropping weight and every pound I lose is a sign that stress is killing me. What I need now is friends and not projects. Now more than ever. Ladies, gentlemen, it's about time I hung up the cape and got some sleep.
----------------
Now playing: Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly - D.A.N.C.E.
via FoxyTunes