Burnout

I can't remember a time when I wasn't completely physically and emotionally exhausted. I don't know how I'm supposed to live like this, or for how long.

2010: The Year In Review

I meant to write this at the end of December but never got to it. Sarah's nagging finally got me started. I don't have a lot to say about 2010. My 3 blog posts that year are evidence enough. If anything, 2010 was a year in limbo. It's a transition. Like the past few, 2010 is a year with a few clearly defined segments. Like last year, it can be split roughly in half. I'm publishing a rough draft tonight, fueled by Budweiser and missing a lot of details. Bear with me until I get the final version online.

The Year in Segments
I. January-June
I started the year in the Dana Avenue apartment with James and Alicia. I had just purchased my '97 Integra and was learning the hard way how to live with a manual transmission. Alicia was in Texas and James and I were getting along pretty well. I was working at SKF and enjoying my weekends in Louisville. Most notably, Meagan and I were reconnecting. 2009 wasn't the best year, and I think I spent the start of 2010 living like a typical guy of my age - semiregular parties, nights at the bar, an apartment in the city... Things were going well. They continued like this more or less until June when the lease was up. At the start of June, I moved out of the apartment and into Sarah's house in Louisville. The weekend of the move was memorable for the day mom, Alica and I spent at Taste of Cincinnati. I'm not usually one for great crowds, but Cincinnati's big downtown festivals are something special. The second half of the year was spend in Louisville.

II. June-December
Right around my move, I attended the wedding of a high school friend, Christopher Amelung. He used to be a Bible thumper but at some point had joined me in full atheism and replaced God with beer (a position I support wholeheartedly). I noticed shortly after moving that life in Louisville is a lot slower than life in Cincinnati, or it is for me. Most of my friends are up north and for the majority of the time here my social life consisted of regular outings with Sarah's friends and occasional trips to Northern Kentucky to visit mine. Despite all the time I've spent with Chris and Amy, I still see them as Sarah's friends rather than mine. I'm not sure why.
The most notable thing that happened here was my new job. I was due to start another shitty warehouse job at UPS but out of the blue my uncle Jay came through and offered me a dubious-sounding job at a local hospital for the mentally disabled. Little did I know that the boiler room job at Hazelwood would do me so much good. My boss is an old lunatic who's been supervising the boiler room here for three decades. He's an old stoner who served on a gunboat in Vietnam and is gladly willing to teach me everything he knows. Between the boilers and my Honda, I've become quite the handyman and will tackle any job thrown at me, so long as I have the tools to accomplish it. It seems I'm being groomed as Curt's replacement as the head of the boiler room staff.
2010 ended on a high note. Sarah and I are getting out of this house, away from her crazy mom. I'm starting school next week and it seems I finally have my shit together.

The People In Review
As is the trend over the past few years, I've been distancing myself from most people lately. I do have a few exceptions, though.
Mike Mills - Mike and I became better friends during my last six months at SKF and we still chat regularly through email. He's still at SKF and as friendly as ever.
James Greis - As our lease drew to a close, so did our friendship. We didn't fall out as such, we just didn't bother to continue talking after we ceased to be roommates.
Alicia Zwiebel - My one friend from UC continues to be one of my closest. She's been having a rough time lately and it seems like 2011 will be as hard as any, but she's the type to slog through it. I'm definitely glad to have her nearby (at least electronically) and make a special effort to see her whenever I'm in town.
Stephen Reynolds - Stevo remains as solid and dependable as ever. He's finally doing what he loves, teaching History to middle schoolers at Gallatin County. He was my one regular friend in Louisville until he moved back to NKY toward the end of the year.
Emily Wernet - We keep in touch and hang out when we can, which is rare. Like Stevo, she's finally doing something in her field and happy about it. If at all possible, 2011 involves a week in New York with her.
Meagan McNeilan - Meagan and I spent a long time apart at the end of 2009, but we're as close as we ever were now. I love the girl to death and enjoy every minute of the late nights we spend together.
Evan Faeth - Meagan's boyfriend and I have become friends in our own right over the last two years and I look forward to seeing him as much as Meagan. The man can throw a hell of a pirate party.
Sarah Lamb Valentine's Day 2011 will be two and a half years for us, and it seems like only the start of a long relationship. We move into our own home next week and I'll likely be singing her praises this time next year. She likes to take everything I say the wrong way, but I love her anyway.

Summarizing 2010
... will be done later. It's bed time.

2010

If anyone still reads, I'm gonna throw up the usual end of year post in a couple days, so stay tuned.

Settling Down

I somehow managed to go even longer since the last post than I did before it. Months have gone by. I'm barely the same man. Back in February, I was just talking about my plans for Louisville. I got down here to find almost all of them had fallen through. Jay did come through in the end, though.

I am now officially a boiler room operator. I work at the Hazelwood Center, a local hospital specializing in the long-term care of the mentally and frequently physically disabled. The hospital is run by the State, so I can take advantage of the inherent inefficiency of the government. Evidently they have to fire a lot of people who do this job, but I listened to the reasons why each before me got sacked. I am the ideal candidate for this job. I work first shift, 7-3, but I should be fine. The main reason I couldn't handle first shift in NKY is that my friends kept odd hours. I couldn't go to bed at ten. Not much of a social life here, so I can go to bed when I want. This is good for you guys, though. I can come up early on Fridays and hang out rather than showing up in the early hours of the morning like I did with visits to Sarah.

My job consists of hanging out in the boiler room, which is a separate building on the campus. From what I can tell, I hang out in an air-conditioned office and keep my eye on a large pressure gauge on the wall, occasionally making a tour of inspection around the machinery in the other room to make sure it's working right. If it isn't, I have to get it working. I'm going to spend this week learning to identify and resolve various problems with the boilers and the machines that keep them running. It's definitely something I can handle.

For the time being I'll be crashing at Sarah's. Her mom left her job a while ago and has yet to find another, so she needs help with the rent and bills and I can use the cheap living arrangements. I probably can't have people over until I get a place, however.

Aside from that, I have little to report. Sarah's doing fine. So is the Integra. I'll visit when I can. I was up last weekend and caught Alicia on her way to Texas last week. I wouldn't expect a lot from the blog, though, but you probably figured that out yourselves.

53 Days

That's how long ago my last post was. It's been a bit of an informal hiatus.

I think I've neglected this thing mostly because I'm maturing and moving away from posting my mind online for all to see. The daily goings-on of my life are not worth sharing, or so I think, and what exciting things do come up are shared in person or at least live, to people at the other end of a phone or chat window. My months-long hermitage is coming to an end and real communication is more important to me than static words on a black background. I have had a few blog-worthy developments, however.

I won't mention my ongoing relationship primarily because I have nothing to report. Sarah and I are still very much the happy couple and intend to remain that way. I'll try to get her up here sometime soon, but her antique car's suspension is having some issues and it'll be impossible for her to make the drive until that's taken care of.

First off, I'm going to enjoy March. In chronological order, James is in Vegas for a week for spring break. While she's a very good roommate who respects my privacy and property and whatnot, having the place to myself for a week means I can do things like walk to and from the shower without a robe and dance while cooking without being laughed at. In addition, this means several other residents of 1015 will be god-knows-where. I assume she'll have more fun that week than I will. The next week, Emily is in town for her own spring break. I rarely see her these days, so that's certainly exciting. On March 14, James and I host our St. Patrick's Day party. A Facebook event has been made and invites will be sent out a week beforehand. The next weekend is The Aquabats and Mustard Plug at the Mad Hatter. All the while, winter should be slowly ebbing and changing to spring.

After almost sixty days with my new automobile, I can more accurately (no Acura joke intended) compare it with the old, lamented Volkswagen. I'm now used to not having some little convenience features like both front windows being one-touch and I'm not pleased at its snow performance, but I'm still quite excited to have this car and anyone I spend time with has heard some babbling about my plans for it.

My move to Louisville at the end of May is now an official plan. I've contacted an uncle in the area and he can arrange to have me affordably housed and employed when my lease in Cincinnati is up. Living in a different city is an exciting prospect and I'll be sure to visit often. Leaving my home city doesn't mean leaving my friends and it'd be no matter to spend as many weekends in NKY as I do in Louisville now.

As of early January, Meagan and I are once again good friends. We've been meeting frequently at a bar near Wilder called Pete's Place. It's tended on Wednesdays and Fridays by Dylan, a friend of the group, and the regulars include myself, Meagan, Evan, Ross Neimer, and his girlfriend Darcy. I said I'd never be around Meagan and alcohol at the same time again, but I'm a forgiving person and Meagan definitely has her life together at the moment, with a solid job, relationship, and social life. The four-month gap in our friendship gave us both plenty of time to cool off and the end of the hiatus was a boon to both of us.

In other news, work has become much more enjoyable recently. SKF has two main work zones, one of which is generally seen as providing chances for far superior productivity than the other. Since quotas are different in each zone, I choose to be alone in the less productive as often as possible. The end result is that I spend little time around my coworkers, most of whom are gossiping idiots who appear to be in a race to do as much work as possible in the shortest time and look down on those who don't. We don't get any bonus for being far over quota, so I 'm much happier the hell away from them where I can work at my own pace and quietly think or sing whatever song is stuck in my head at the moment. I maintain acceptable productivity levels and my work-related stress has dropped to almost nothing. It's been weeks since I last contemplated walking out the door and never looking back. I've also been packing lunch most days, saving money and gas. An added bonus is that I'm no longer completely sick of the local fast food.

That's the last two months. I'll try to update more in the future. Any questions or comments will be answered.
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Now playing on YouTube: Vega4 - You and Me
via FoxyTunes

2009: The Year in Review

At the end of 2008 I had big hopes for big changes in 2009 and figured I'd be back on the upswing in no time. Reality was a bit different. It saw abortive attempts to switch jobs, dissatisfaction with and destruction of my car, and the near-death of my social life. It ended much as it began, with me toiling away at SKF and unsure of the future. The year was fairly uneventful and my blogging suffered as a result. In 2009 I posted about one-fifth of my average for the previous two years. Also unlike previous years, I can only separate 2009 into two parts rather than three: before and after moving out.

The Year in Segments
I. January-June
The first part of the year had few notable events. I started the year dissatisfied with my job and in an attempt to change it, signed up for the Cincinnati Bartending School at the end of February. My background in chemistry and easy way with customers made me a natural and I passed the classes and got my certification. The job hunt was, unfortunately, not successful. 2009 saw the worst of the recession and jobs that would have been easy to get before now had dozens of applicants. I applied to 27 local bars, clubs, and restaurants. I got a single interview that didn't end in a job. By May, I had more or less abandoned the search and resigned myself to staying at SKF for the time being. I prepared myself for the coming move and hoped I would have the money to afford rent and food and keep my car running. On April third, I accidentally started a rivalry between Sarah and Alicia and experienced Thunder over Louisville, a giant fireworks and airshow put on as part of the Kentucky Derby festival. On May 26, I had my first run-in with a jumpy semi. It caused cosmetic damage to the Jetta and I debated whether or not I'd continue to upgrade my car as planned. I decided instead to repair what wasn't working and hope for the best.
At the beginning of June, I moved out. The transition was interesting, but I quickly adapted to living in an apartment away from home and settled into a new routine that was fairly similar to the one I'd had for the last year. I frequently wonder if I accomplished anything by moving out. I was, however, very stressed out by the end of June and resolved to take a vacation to escape my routine.
II. July-December
In July, I held up my end of a promise I'd made in 2007: I returned to New York to visit Emily. Courtney and I set off from Cincinnati in the Jetta on a rainy Saturday morning and headed northeast. We learned that Volkswagens were made for travel and are pretty comfortable for an 800-mile journey. While in the city, I experienced new things and relaxed like I hadn't in months. I ate bull penis and got briefly lost in Manhattan. I walked more in one week than I usually do in three. I sat in on another class at SVA and ate delicious food. At the end of the week, Courtney and I returned to Cincinnati feeling refreshed and optimistic.
Unfortunately, that feeling didn't last. Within weeks I'd returned to the daily grind at SKF and waited for my next escape at the end of September. Labor Day Weekend, however, was another disappointment. The fireworks weren't up to par and the drama was obscene. Meagan and I had a falling out as a result of the incidents that occurred that weekend and we still have not met, though we have exchanged a few words on occasion and could probably resume our friendship at this point. After that weekend, I continued my new routine of waiting for the next holiday and hoping things would get better.
Halloween was something of an improvement. We had a party here without incident the week before, but with less excitement than I'd expected. Many of the regulars had parties of their own to attend. I spent Halloween in Louisville and quickly returned to my sad routine. Thanksgiving was a highlight, and I spent it mostly in Louisville and/or hanging out with Emily and Andrew. I ate at Mark's and reflected on the things that had gone in my favor, few as they were. December rolled in quietly after and brought with it none of the usual holiday cheer. Being out of the house managed to isolate me from what excitement most people have and I heard the sentiment from many friends and coworkers that it just didn't feel like Christmas. My birthday was uneventful and the small party I planned ended in nicotine poisoning from a cigar that was more potent than I expected.
The year unfortunately ended with a bang. After the nonstop issues with reliability, I finally decided to sell my car in the spring when the heated seats and great winter capabilities would no longer be as important. Instead, the car was taken from me on December 16th. A truck demolished the car and left me with no car, no insurance money, and no injuries. I was happy to be unhurt but saw the event as typical of a shitty year. Shortly thereafter, my PayPal account was hacked and $600 vanished. PayPal is working on fixing the situation, but it doesn't dull the sting of so many unfortunate events at once.
On December 30th, I replaced the Jetta. I now drive a burgundy 1997 Acura Integra GS with a manual transmission. I think, in the end, the Jetta was hexed. The time that I had it saw constant repair bills, fractured friendships, the end of my time at UC, and two miserable years. I now have to take the opportunity I have before me. I have a new car. I have a new year.

The People in Review
I spent this year mainly growing apart from people, though there were a few exceptions. I'd like to reconnect with a lot of them but I frequently don't have the time or simply haven't put forth the effort. Here's the people I spent enough time with to make a note of:
Mike Mills - Mike is a 60-year-old man from Louisville who works with me at SKF. He's the one coworker I particularly get along with and makes sure to start the shift off with a conversation with me. He always stops to say hi to Sarah when she's in town and shows up with lunch and is a lot of the reason work is bearable.
James Greis - James has actually been a solid roommate and dependable friend through the year. We have our differences, but when they come to the fore we generally go to our own parts of the apartment and the conflict is over.
Alicia Zwiebel - Alicia and I share an apartment but have unfortunately been growing apart the last year or so. She doesn't get along with Sarah and spends long periods in Texas, so we don't talk like we used to. I've been making more of an effort the past few weeks, though. I have no desire to let this friend go.
Stephen Reynolds - Stevo is a solid contact in Louisville and as usual, a dependable friend. When you spend a third of your weekends in a different city with your girlfriend, having someone else there comes in handy fairly often.
Brandon Black - It seems like all Brandon and I have done for years is argue. I haven't seen him in months and have come to the conclusion that as we grew up, we simply developed important differences that have kept us a little distant. Brandon is now on the verge of burning out or so it seems, so it'll be interesting to see where he goes.
Emily Wernet - After having little contact in 2008, Emily and I made an effort to talk more in 2009 and have regained a lot of the closeness we once shared. I spent an unforgettable week with her in New York that may be the highlight of 2009 and am quite disappointed that she won't be in town at the end of the week for the New Year. We've always been able to understand each other and despite the distance, I consider her one of my closest friends.
Courtney Henderson - Courtney and I have very different schedules and almost never see each other. When we do, the conversation is always easy and natural and we get along very well. I invited her along on my trip to the Big Apple in July and we shared a lot of ludicrous moments during the Jetta's only real road trip. I'd hang out with her more if I could, though I rarely get around to even IMing her for a conversation.
Meagan McNeilan - Meagan and I had been drifting apart all year, but the friendship was at risk of ending after Labor Day weekend when I declared that I'd no longer put up with her dramatic drinking shenanigans. We haven't really talked at all since, but seem to be on friendly terms again. I know we're both ready to forgive each other for the events of that night, and hope to see her early in 2010
Sarah Lamb - Sarah and I are in the middle of our second year together and I often think that she's keeping me from full-scale depression. I haven't seen many stabler relationships than ours and have no desire to end it. She no longer gets along with some of my friends, however, and I sometimes struggle to balance my personal and social lives. Still, I think she's good for me and has been my main source of support in the last year and a half.

The Year in Music
I acquired little new music this year and changed my tastes only subtly, so there'll be no big countdown. At some point iTunes started using more memory than my computer can offer, so I switched to Pandora and have discovered some new artists. Unlike XM, this hasn't led to any purchases. My old standbys through the year have been Ben Folds and The Format.

Summarizing 2009
2009 is really a continuation of the downward spiral that was 2008. I spent the whole year working at the same shitty job I started last year and end the year with plans to abandon this city when my lease is up. I lost my car to a semi and have constantly battled the non-clinical depression of a man who is all too aware of his own failings. I'm really glad that this piece of shit year has come to an end. I have a new car now. I have a girlfriend who means the world to me and maybe, for the first time in years, I have a little ambition. I want to reconnect with friends I've ditched. I want to drink less and smile more. As December came to a close, so too did the year's misery. I recently re-established my friendship with Alicia and promised to text more. I invited Nikki to a movie and decided that she may be dramatic sometimes, but I want Meagan in my life. I'm so tired of this year, yes, but I'm about to be rewarded by its end.
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Now playing on Pandora: Ben Kweller - Penny On The Train Track
via FoxyTunes

Twenty-Two

Next Friday is my birthday. I may try to plan something. I can get off at ten and still get paid for the two hours I miss, so I'd like to do something that night. If you have any ideas and are free, let me know.

I was maybe thinking a sort of classy party, like Brandon suggested a while ago. It'd be a party with a dress code and alcohol as an optional side item instead of the focus like it is with most parties. I'd hunt down some fake champagne or something (Like Welch's sparkling white grape juice) and a good cigar. I don't intend to have more than two drinks of anything alcoholic that night. I just want it to be relaxed and fun.

If that sounds good to a couple of you, I'll make a Facebook event out of it. Otherwise, I'll try to figure something out.

Update: Looks like I'm going ahead with the plan. I need to know if it should be Friday or Saturday, though, so I stuck a poll up here and welcome your comments on my most recent Facebook wall post before I make an event of it.

Spammed!

I've been getting a lot of comments from bots lately. At first I simply turned on comment moderation for any post older than 2 weeks, but after the latest rash of Russian mail-order bride spams, I've turned on the hated word verification. It'll be on for maybe a month or two. I'll take it off when I think the bots have forgotten about me. I almost never get comments anyway, so it shouldn't make any difference to your viewing experience.

In other news, I'm less than a month from the big year-end post. My year has been less interesting than I'd hoped but it does have a few things worth mentioning.

I'll be in Louisville this week from Wednesday night to Monday morning for Thanksgiving.
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Now playing on YouTube: Train - Hey, Soul Sister
via FoxyTunes

Dammit, not again!

The car is once again broken. One of the hoses that feeds coolant to the heater core is leaking. This is a minor problem in older cars; you simply don't use the heater. My car, on the other hand, has a pressurized coolant system that actively pumps highly toxic red stuff out of the tiniest holes. Naturally, it's in the back of the engine where I can't reach it.

Other problems:
-One of the CV joint boots needs to be replaced, and the joint it used to cover is going bad. I have to take the driveshaft out to replace it, unfortunately, so it isn't something I can do myself. The joint itself may need to be replaced.
-The same window has been broken almost since I got the car.
-The transmission oil is what came with the car. It's supposed to be a lifetime fluid, but that's bullshit. No oil lasts 140,000 miles. Because the transmission is sealed, changing the fluid is difficult, time-consuming, and expensive.
-The fog lights are still not hooked up.
-Both the front and rear cup holders are broken, the lights above the sun visor vanity mirrors don't work, and the headliner is slowly falling down.
-To my knowledge, the lights on the climate control knobs have never worked.
-The low-tone horn doesn't work, which is why my horn sounds so stupid.
-I'm pretty sure one of the mirror heaters stopped working.
-My wiper blades need to be replaced and I'm almost due for an oil change.

What I'm wondering now is when I can get rid of this car and get something reliable. Maybe a Japanese car from the 90s. They're unsafe and usually not very fast, but they don't break or use much fuel and they're generally cheap and easy to modify and repair. I can no longer afford to own a Volkswagen.

Nearly a Month

I feel like I have nothing to write about anymore. I wake up, I go to work, I eat at the same shitty fast-food places every day, and I go to bed. On weekends I'm either in Cincinnati looking for something to do or in Louisville, where I frequently do things. My social life is practically nonexistent, and I have come to terms with that. It doesn't make for a very blog-worthy life, though.

In other news, James, Alicia, and I have called off the Halloween party. I heard there was another in Bellevue on Friday but I don't know the host. I will instead be traveling south in the hope that I can find a way to enjoy the holiday. At least I'm under no obligation to make a costume. I will be in town next weekend, however. The three of us will be at the Boone County Rebel Invitational on Saturday. I get off work at 10:00 Friday.
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Now playing on Pandora: Death Cab For Cutie - Brothers On A Hotel Bed
via FoxyTunes