Learning Curve

I am tired. I'm tired of wasting my time, money, and effort on things that make no difference. I'm tired of constantly saving money not so I can enjoy it later but because I know my car will need another costly repair soon. I'm tired of throwing time and money at bar school and engineering, only to see them fail to improve my life. I'm tired of knowing huge quantities of random shit and not getting paid for any of it. I'm tired of being tired.
I often reflect on the past few years. What I see saddens me. I've succeeded only in my social life. I found a sister in Kaitlin and a confidante in Alicia. I found close friends in Meagan, Brandon, James, and Emily. I found the perfect partner in Sarah. I'm even closer to my douchebag brother. Outside this narrow range, however, is little but loss and despair. Since high school I've flunked out of college before the end of the second year. I bought a car that frequently malfunctions. I've been toiling away at SKF for 14 months, ignoring my status as a temporary worker and spending every second wishing I was anywhere else. I spent $850 on bartending school without a single interview to show for it. I acquired a motorcycle license but still can afford no bike. I committed a year of my life to moving out before I was ready. At a time when my peers are looking forward to senior year, I spend my days moving boxes for $9.35 an hour and reflecting sadly on the past.
Just as often, I think about the future. I wonder how I'm going to get out of SKF. I wonder how I'll pay the rent, and what I have to cut out of my budget to make ends meet. I wonder why I rushed myself into new living arrangements. I wonder when and how I can return to school, and what I might study when I get there.
I know a few things, though. I know my love of learning may someday come in handy if I can focus it. I know that if I can get an affordable, comfortable motorcycle I can put fewer miles on the Jetta and reduce the chance of failure. I know that I've always been able to slide by. I know that I have a solid support system.

Maybe all this introspection is doing me no good. Maybe I'm not half the failure I see in myself. Maybe all I need is a good night's rest. I'm tired of being tired.

Fender Bent

If you hadn't noticed my Facebook and MySpace updates today, I was involved in a wreck. Just south of Downtown Louisville, a semi with a 53' trailer blindly merged into my lane, where I was driving. I hurriedly jumped into the left lane to avoid death by truck and found that my blind spot was full of black Dodge pickup. The rear quarter of my car and the front quarter of the pickup bounced off each other. I doubt the trucker even knew what he caused.

I pulled off the highway to see that the Dodge was slowing to a halt in the fast lane. Fearing the worst, I made my way to the truck to make sure the other driver was unharmed. I basically caught him as he stumbled from his truck. The man was roughly my age, inked, probably a wigger, and looked like he had half the money it'd take to buy a truck like that. A witness and a concerned citizen stopped to help, and were soon joined by a Metropolitan Police officer. The other driver was on the floor and seemed to be in pain, which I assumed at the time was an attempt to fuck me over for the insurance.

I told the officer my story: I was being crowded out of my lane by a semi and merged into the truck as a result. He walked me across the highway to my car to retrieve my license, registration, and insurance card, then told me to wait with my car until he could get the Dodge out of the way and talk to the witness. During this time, the man's mother arrived, followed by an ambulance. The man was loaded into the ambulance and his truck was moved. I talked to his mother and learned that he had a bad back, was probably fine, and was going to the hospital to make sure he was okay. She also said the witness confirmed my story. The officer returned to send me home, and gave me a number for the incident report. Neither I nor the driver of the Dodge received a citation, leading me to believe that the police listed this as a no-fault traffic accident.

The damage, while ugly, is entirely cosmetic. No mechanical damage resulted from the accident. Both doors on the driver's side are badly scuffed, and the rub strip on the rear door is damaged. The rear wheel was blackened, and the rear wheel well is badly wrinkled. Further inspection revealed that most of the "damage" to the doors was rubber transfer from the Dodge's tire, and a quick scrub with a Magic Eraser returned the wheel to pre-accident condition. I'll clean the rest of the car tomorrow to see what the real damage is. I'll take and post pictures if I get around to it.

Oh, god! Bees!

You know those things that you really want and have the money for but are still too cheap to buy?

I give you the bee shirt.
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Now playing on iTunes: Carolina Liar - California Bound
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Weird Rescue

Last night around 5:30 AM, Meagan called in a rescue. I'm used to lifting her out of bad situations, so I was completely surprised when I learned that she was sober and at a dying party, surrounded by drunk couples. She wanted a ride home so she could get some sleep before work.

Meagan turns 20 in a little more than a week. I've known her for almost two years now and I've seen a lot of good and bad times, but I think she made it. Meagan is less of the spastic impulsive girl we worried about and more of the functioning member of society we've seen come out in the last year. She's just now ending her second decade and I think she's finally getting things in order and if not exactly happy, the girl is stable.

You're doing good, kid. I'm happy to see it. :)
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Now playing on iTunes: Against Me! - Thrash Unreal
via FoxyTunes