That was very nearly the worst light of my life.
Maybe it's because when I was saving a life it felt so much like delaying the inevitable.
Maybe it's because I know the simple tiny action that could have prevented it all and I didn't take it.
I'm traumatized. I really am. I'm done risking myself physically, financially, emotionally for people who can't make it worth what I put in. Why the fuck am I trying so hard to save you when you aren't willing to save yourself?
Kid, I love you like family, but we're gonna have a long talk about what just happened. I'm not gonna be your safety net anymore. Please, more than anything in the world, I'd like you to never put me through that again.
I'm done playing everyone's hero. I'm not sure people realize that sooner or later I'm gonna break like any one of them. I was described by Jordan as the perfect guy tonight. I'm the guy who anyone can call for anything and get a hand. I'm taking a break. It's about time I shored up my own loose ends before I end up ruined in more ways than I am already. I've got my health right now but I'm dropping weight and every pound I lose is a sign that stress is killing me. What I need now is friends and not projects. Now more than ever. Ladies, gentlemen, it's about time I hung up the cape and got some sleep.
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5 comments:
you know. you said similar months back. i don't know what happened, maybe if you feel the need to vent to someone you'll let me know. either way, i agree. don't over do it. these people or person that you keep going out of the way for, what have they done for you? granted it's not why we help people, most of the time, but seriously... would they go out of their way to help you if you needed it?
The worst part is that the friend probably wouldn't. I could rely on a few of her friends, sure, but if I really, honestly needed something I doubt I could go to her with any chance of seeing it.
And really, I have several low-drama friends that I almost never see anymore (e.g. you). I dunno, I'm really gonna re-prioritize things this time. That was a bloody awful night and it's about time I went out of my way to see the people who never make things complicated.
Tonight, you... AkA we need a movie night or sumfin like that. Some thing that has 0% chance of drama and 100% chance of me being able to make it.
Sorry for bailing on war games man. I have work, i'm still fucking sick from last night (i still don't know what happened), and more than anything, i just reallyneed sleep. I'll be back tomorrow around five ish from Lexington though.
You're a great guy... that doesn't mean you should be taken advantage of, or expected to always rush in and be the white knight.
She wouldn't be there for you like you are there for her. It's a harsh reality, but after a while you have to throw in the towel.
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